The Story of the Snicket Siblings
by Hlessirah
Summary: The final chapter of this miserable fanfic has now been posted, but I’m sure you would rather read a much happier conclusion, than hear about Lemony's lonely night in a terrible tower.
1. Default Chapter

If you think that this will be a lighthearted story about two happy brothers and their happy childhood adventures, then you are sorely mistaken. Yes, it is true that their lives prior to that fateful dummer day were, in fact, fairly happy and fulfilled. However, neither of the brothers were quite prepared for the consequences that the day would bring.

The brothers often went to the woods. To them, every trip there was fresh, new, and exciting. Lemony, the oldest, sat on a mossy rock, reviewing his notes for stories and trying to imagine the lives of people who had come to these woods before them.

Jaques was twelve years old and only two years younger than his brother. He was watching an interesting green beetle with orange spots crawl into a small opening between a nearby tree and a piece of bark. Then he noticed how much cover it granted and wrote some notes in his small black notebook as he turned towards his brother.

"I can't believe summer is nearly over," Jaques said. "I feel as if I haven't had enough time to do everything that I had planned for the summer."

"Yes, I know," said Lemony. "I had wanted so badly to finish that volume of short stories by Edgar Allan Poe. They are so well written and scary."

Jaques replied, "I had been planning to explore the woods some more to find some good hiding places but now that the leaves are falling, I won't be able to find any good ones." Suddenly he paused, cocking his head to one side.

Strange noises are unusual things. For one thing, such noises can be relative. The sound of something as common as a car starting its engine doesn't seem at all unusual to many people, but to a man living as a hermit for many years, such a sound is quite unusual. However, the sound of undercover agents searching for clues leading to my capture while riding Shetland ponies may be unusual to you, but my ears have been trained to detect it, since I hear it nearly every night. But I must tell you, the noise that Jaques heard might or might not be unusual, but the result certainly was.

"What was that noise?"

"What noise?" replied Lemony.

"Just now. Didn't you hear it?"

"It was probably nothing, Jaques," Lemony said, puzzled. "However, I'm sure you could write it down in your notebook, then you could ask mom or dad about it. They're so well-read that I'm sure they could tell us."

"But if that was nothing, what was that noise?" Jaques asked, confused.

Suddenly the rock that lemony was sitting on moved quickly to one side, uncovering a deep hole. As Jaques leaned forward to examine the hole, a strong current of air that still has meteorologists baffled pushed Jaques into the hole. Hearing his brother's screams and noticing that the rock was returning to its normal place, Lemony quickly grabbed his notebook and jumped into the hole, not knowing what lay ahead.

None of them noticed that both the mossy rock and the deep pit were shaped like an eye.


	2. Chapter2

**_Chapter 2_**

Through my vast experience with deep, dark pits, I have gathered many facts that are generally true about them. First, it is generally true that deep, dark pits appear when least expected. It is also generally true that it is not at all pleasant to fall into a deep, dark pit, since they are often riddled with bumps, a phrase which here means "scattered about with bits of dirt and rocks" instead of "telling amusing and challenging mental puzzles". The last thing that is generally true about such pits is that there are often unpleasant things at the bottom, such as a hard floor, sharp spikes, or a room full of lonely telemarketers or insurance salesmen.

The pit that our two Snicket brothers were falling into was indeed unexpected. They also found small bumps throughout the tunnel which proved to be very uncomfortable. However, the landing was quite surprising, since instead of falling into sharp spikes or a bed of poisonous snakes, the boys fell into a small room full of comfortable armchairs, where Jaques' twin sister, Kit, was waiting, perched in a cozy, but tacky-looking armchair.

"Kit!" Lemony cried, running to her side. "What are you doing here? You should be in bed recovering from that flu you had last week!"

"I didn't mean to leave," she protested. "I heard a strange noise as I was reading about the mechanics of military submarines. Suddenly the bed tipped over and I found myself falling until I ended up here. Luckily, they were here to help me get comfortable so I could recover."

The two brothers followed Kit's gaze to find that they were not alone. Two other children were also there, sitting on a puce sofa.

"Thank you very much for helping my sister," said Lemony, who was glad that there was someone else around, and that they were kind enough to help his frail sister. "I'm Lemony Snicket, and this is my brother, Jaques. Do you know what's going on?"

"I'm Dorian Baudelaire, and this is Samantha Wallace." Said the boy with glasses, pointing to a wide-eyed brown haired girl that sat next to him. "We were taken here as we were reading together in my parents' library."

"We're not sure what's going on. We think that this room is moving, but we don't know where it's going," said Samantha.

Just as she was finished talking, the children felt the room stop moving. Like being bound, gagged, and blindfolded in a slow-moving elevator or refrigerator, it is usually easier to tell when something that you are riding in stops than if it is moving. The children were not too startled about the abrupt stop, since they were all perched in assorted armchairs and beanbags and the stop was very gentle. But they were certainly surprised to find the ceiling open and a startled girl fall in, directly into a green beanbag. Before the children could even console her or ask her name, a crackling speaker sparked to life and said, "Next stop, V.F.D."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

There was a quiet buzz amongst the children as the room began to move again and the speaker once again crackled to life.

"Everyone please empty your pockets," the crackly voice said.

No doubt the children were confused by this command. Usually when someone tells someone to empty the contents of their pockets, they want something. Such people are usually villainous, like train robbers, pirates, and trick-or-treaters who want all your candy. However, the voice on the speaker was only trying to make a point. I was the thing that they all had in common, and was no doubt the reason why they were all here.

"You should note that you all carry notebooks," said the crackly voice. "Your note taking skills have been noticed by the people here ate V.F.D. and you have been selected to join our organizations. We will be arriving at V.F.D. shortly. Any questions?"

Samantha quickly glanced around, and, seeing her chance, began to ask, "What is V.F.- "

"Then if there are no more questions, please wait for our arrival and have a pleasant trip," the voice interrupted, leaving the children to discuss amongst themselves.

There are many phrases that are usually insincere when people say them. Several of them are, "Just fin, how are you?", "Keep the change,", "Of course that cookie isn't poisoned!", and "Have a pleasant trip." However, even if the comment coming from the voice on the speaker had been genuinely sincere, it was impossible for the Snicket brothers and the others to have a completely pleasant trip. Their sister was dozing off and her fever was beginning to come back, so their opportunity for a pleasant trip was taken away by their concern for Kit's health.

Almost as much as they were concerned about their sister's health, they were worried about what was going on. However, they couldn't do anything but wait, so they joined Samantha and Dorian in consoling the new arrival.

"Are you alright?" asked Jacques.

"No," replied the girl. "Of course not. I was only studying my ferns and then I heard a strange noise and the floor opened up. I don't know what's going on!"

"We don't know either," said Lemony. "You know as much as we do."

"What's your name?" asked Samantha.

"Sarah," she said, turning her attention to the sleeping Kit. "Is she okay?"

"She's sick," replied Lemony. "She's been getting over the flu, but I think her fever is coming back."

"Don't worry. I know about a plant that should help her fever. If we can get to a field, we could gather it."

"That would be gr-," Lemony started to say, but stopped to turn his attention to the wall.

It was opening, revealing a shaft of light that, in comparison to the dim light in the room, made the children squint and turn away.

The speaker crackled to life. "Welcome to V.F.D."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Hey, you must be the new recruits." The squinting children heard a voice, and, after waiting a few moments to let their eyes adjust to the bright light, found that the pleasant voice belonged to a girl wearing colorful clothing and big gold hoop earrings. Her blazing red hair was tied up in a bandanna and she looked about eighteen years old, older than the children.

"Boy, y'all look like you've seen a ghost. Did Morty scare you with that speaker of 'is?" she asked quickly. "'Oi, Morty! Next time, would you not scare 'em? I have to deal with it if ya do, y'know!"

She turned to the rather nervous-looking group of youngster. "Gather round and follow me; it's time for your verbal fact dictation, that is, yer tour. Follow me!"

"Verbal fact dictation," said Sarah. "Is that V.F.D.?"

"No, no," replied the girl. "That's just a silly little phrase that I like to say. C'mon now! Don't wanna miss your tour!"

She introduced herself as Bridget and proceeded to give the children a tour of the building.

The building itself was perched high in the mountains, overlooking a gigantic waterfall. Bridget led the children through dozens of rooms, each more fantastic than the next. There was a huge greenhouse containing plants that not even Sarah had seen, inventing studios, rooms filled with writing utensils of all sorts: pens, pencils, and quills. There were lounges filled with more armchairs that they had ever seen in one place before and also laboratories and rooms filled with all sorts or animals, from lions and rabbis to iguanas and koalas.

But the room that made the children gasp was not the enormous kitchen or the dorm rooms. It was the library. The library entrance was an arch with the letters V.F.D. elegantly engraved on it. Stepping through the entrance, they saw that the room was huge, bigger than all the others. All the walls were completely covered with books of all sizes, and there was a moving ladder for people to use to get them. The most spectacular thing, however, was the window. The window took up the entire fourth wall and was overlooking a lush valley. To the left was the mist from the waterfall.

Here Bridget stopped and told the children, "Well, this is 'bout the end of your tour. This is the room where we keep all our information. We've got books on just about everything to aid you in your research. Any questions?"

Samantha again tried to ask her question, "What is V.F.D.?"

"What?" Their guide asked, surprised. "Didn't Morty tell yeh?" Seeing the shaking heads, she continued, "Why, it stands for Volunteer Fire Department, of course. We secretly fight arson and gather knowledge to help the world be a better place. I can't believe Morty didn't tell yeh!"

"He didn't tell us much of anything," said Jacques.

"Well, I'll brief yeh on what you'll be doing as a volunteer. It'll be like school for a while, yeh training, that is, except you'll be focusing on what you're good at. Lemony, take a good look at this library, since that's where you'll be spending most of your time.

"Sarah, your time'll be mainly spent in the greenhouse, and Dorian's will be mainly spent on our mountain trails. Samantha, will be mainly in the communications department, and Daniel will work in the writing center. Dorian and Sarah's areas of expertise will often bring 'em together, as will Samantha and Daniel's."

"What about me?" asked Jacques. "What about Kit?"

"Kit has been moved to the infirmary already. Once she's gotten better, she will study at the underwater research base near the stream with me. Jacques, yer training will require special private instruction. Don't yeh worry, you'll see each other around the headquarters and at mealtimes. Speaking of which, it's dinner time!"

Author's note- Just want to warn you that the nature of the story will change quite a bit soon. I hope you like it a little bit darker and more serious...


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

It is often unsettling and uncomfortable to find oneself in a new environment. Such a feeling can also grow stronger if one has been put into such an environment especially quickly. However, this was not the case for the children. Their rooms were comfortable and tailored to their needs and interests. Sarah had a few small pots that she soon began to grow plants in. Lemony found that his room had an extra plush armchair for late-night reading and he often fell asleep in it. They all felt right at home there at V.F.D. headquarters, where they could spend their time with their friends, as well as many friendly and well read adults.

Sarah and Dorian soon became fast friends and ended up spending most of their time together, while Daniel and Samantha were often seen together in one of the writing rooms. Kit, after she recovered, did indeed spend her time learning to build and repair submarines and ships at the wing of the building near the stream.

Jacques, however, was often mysteriously absent from meals and no amount of begging would make Bridget, who seemed most knowledgeable, tell them where he was. However, he was always back in a day or two.

Lemony spent most of his training reading historical books in the library, where a girl about his age was also working. Her name was Beatrice Tyler. She was training to be a librarian, so she spent her time sitting next to him while studying the card catalogs. She had been taken from an orphanage to the headquarters shortly before Lemony and his friends.

The months passed, and the friends began to grow up. Their training gradually changed from book learning to field assignments until it wasn't just Jacques that was often gone. Lemony and Daniel often went out to investigate fires and other activities, while Sarah and Dorian would go to many remote areas and study the terrain and botany. Kit often left to test submarines. Beatrice, however, continued working at the fantastic V.F.D. library. After a while, their training was nearly over and Beatrice and lemony were taking a walk outside the headquarters before the initiation ceremony and masquerade ball.

"It feels as if it was only yesterday that I first met you in the Library. How long ago was that?" asked Lemony of Beatrice after a few minutes of silence. Beatrice was dressed in an elegant white and silver dress with silver eyes beaded on the bottom edge. She had delicate silk roses in her loosely braided hair and even her thin silver glasses made her look angelic in the beginning of the moonlight. She wore a thin crocheted shall to keep away the approaching cold and her beaded mask was already on.

"Five years, I think," she replied, her breath barely visible in the cold night air.

"I'm really going to miss you and everybody. Once we finish our initiation, we won't see much of each other. What about my sister and brother? I'm worried." Lemony was dressed in an eighteenth century costume with a red vest over a long sleeved white shirt, breeches, and a long, dark cloak. His mask was thin and black, but he wasn't wearing it yet.

"Don't worry," comforted Beatrice. "I'm sure you'll see them often, and you'll se me every time you return to the headquarters." She saw that he still felt uneasy, so she said, "Don't let it worry you at the party, it'll be fine."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Writing this account of one of the last happy memories of the Snicket siblings makes me remember my own initiation, long before any of the unfortunate things that happened. I, too, was standing in that same hall and taking the same oath with my friends Kate and Yan. We all got the same tattoo and danced in the same reception hall at the annual masked ball. All three of us wore matching gowns: mine a dark brown, Kate's a brilliant hue of blue, and Yan's an entrancing scarlet. Back then, V.F.D. was a proud and noble organization and everything worked smoothly, and, if you prefer, you could assume that everyone lived happily ever after and just click the "x" button on the top right corner of your computer window and never read about the disastrous things that happened to these young adults after the official ending of their training.

As the ceremony progressed, Lemony became worried, not only for himself and his close friends, but also for the rest of the graduates. His eyes wandered from his siblings, the youngest ones, to a tall and skinny person who lemony was hardly familiar with, named Olaf.

Olaf seemed almost more nervous than Lemony. His long bony fingers made cracking noises as he fidgeted, and his long eyebrow moved as he looked around. This apparent nervousness nearly doubled Lemony's anxieties. "What if they change their minds?" he thought. "What if they make me do my training over again?"

But his anxieties soon proved to be unfounded. Within an hour, Lemony, Jacques, and Kit Snicket, as well as the rest of the graduating class, were all full members of V.F.D.

The friends all sighed with relief, congratulated each other, and began to enjoy the party. Throughout the night, the friends snacked on all types of delicacies, drank the most delicious punch, and danced.

Parties have a way of distracting people from their problems. I once was at a party and was having so much fun that I forgot about the fact that I needed to dodge my enemies and escape before I was caught. However, when parties last late into the night, the anxieties often resurface. Lemony's worries resurfaced that night after the wild music had calmed down and when the clock would soon chime midnight. Lemony saw his dancing friends. His brother and sister were dancing together, and not too far away was Sarah dancing with Dorian, and Samantha dancing with Daniel. Lemony sighed and joined Beatrice on the balcony.

"I'm still worried, Beatrice," he confided.

"You shouldn't," replied Beatrice.

"I know, but I just have a feeling that something awful is going to happen."

"Like what?"

"I don't know," Lemony admitted. "But it's worrying me. I'm worried that it'll hurt Jacques or Kit or any of our friends! I'm worried," here he blushed. "That it'll hurt you."

"Don't worry. I won't let it." Beatrice and Lemony stared into each other's eyes and, for the first time, Lemony noticed that Beatrice's eyes were a brilliant shade of blue. They leaned towards each other. Their eyes closed and their lips almost touched.

Just then, Kit and Jacques ran onto the balcony with Samantha, Dorian, Daniel, and Sarah in tow.

"Guess what?" they yelled, jerking Lemony and Beatrice out of their bliss. "Dorian and Daniel have just proposed!"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

One of the only things better at distracting people from their worries than parties is suprising and good news. The sudden engagement of Daniel Quagmire to Samantha Wallace and Dorian Baudelaire to Sarah Frank was not entirely unexpected, since they had been going out for about four of the five years of their training. In fact, throughout their years of reading the books in the V.F.D. library, both Beatrice and Lemony knew that weddings between members of V.F.D. were not at all uncommon. The thing about it that surprised the two friends was the timing. Amid the congratulations and excited chatter, Lemony and Beatrice were not able to be alone together before he left for his assignment.

His assignment was to investigate several fires. He was sent to work with another of the new members. Olaf, the new arson specialist, was coming along to determine the causes of all the fires. Lemony, to his dismay, was only able to catch a glimpse and give a short wave goodbye to Beatrice before leaving on his mission for several weeks.

He sat across the small plane from Olaf, who was looking at a small packet of papers. Lemony glumly looked through his own papers and played a few games of tic-tac-toe with himself before seeing something fall out of his little green notebook. He picked it up and saw what was written on the back. He then turned it over and what was on the front brought tears to his eyes. The message was "I miss you already." On the front was a picture of Beatrice.

The long plane ride was very long and very boring. However, after a while, Lemony looked out the window and saw that on the coast below them was the charred remains of a building, which was still smoking. Before long, the plane had landed.

Olaf put his papers back in his bag with his long bony fingers, turned to Lemony and said, "Well, let's see what happened to this mess!"

For the next few days, Olaf investigated the fire while Lemony recorded his findings. During the night, they camped out. They didn't talk about many things besides their duties, for each was lost in their own worlds of thought. Lemony was preoccupied with thoughts of Beatrice and the masked ball, and Olaf was apparently also lost in thoughts unknown to Lemony. Every night, Lemony found Olaf squatting on a stump, staring into an unlit match that he held in his hand. He would stay there without moving for hours on end, lost in thought.

For several weeks, they traveled from fire to fire. At the end of that time, they returned to the headquarters to send their reports and to witness the grand double wedding.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Another thing that is even better at distracting people from gnawing worries than parties and surprising news is a wedding. In fact, at the wedding of my sister, I was so distracted by the hustle and bustle of the happy occasion that I forgot to warn the happy couple about something. Because of the distracting nature of weddings, my sister and my brother-in-law were swept away by a sea of screeching bagpipes and I haven't seen them since.

In all of the history of V.F.D., as Lemony soon found out, the union of his four friends would be the first double wedding. So, naturally, the Snicket siblings were pleased to hear that they, along with Beatrice, were chosen to be the best men and the maids of honor. However, even with their similar positions, Lemony couldn't find a chance to get alone with Beatrice. Every time they got near each other, they were called to do some errand, so they never got to talk to each other.

During the ceremony, Lemony couldn't pay attention to what was going on. Across the room and next to Kit was Beatrice, holding a bouquet of fragrant lilies, lilacs, and orchids. In her flowing lavender dress with tiny purple flowers in her golden hair, she looked as beautiful as she did on that night on the balcony. He watched her, barely hearing what was going on in the service. He watched her, admiring her beauty and wishing that he could've talked to her. Beatrice was looking shyly at the floor and occasionally looking at the ceremony.

"I pronounce you geologist and botanist, journalist and poet, husband and wife," were the words that brought both of them suddenly to reality. Amid the hand shaking and congratulations, Lemony convinced himself that he would find a way to be near Beatrice as soon as possible. He found that chance at the reception dinner.

At the dinner he was supposed to sit at the right side of the table next to Dorian, but he snuck to the dining hall before anyone else came in and switched his name place with his sister's so he could sit with Beatrice throughout the dinner.

The feast was enjoyable and festive. It was full of happiness and laughter, all except for two friends who maintained an awkward silence.

There is a tradition that often takes place after a wedding. The guests will clink their glasses with their silverware, making a racket until the bride and groom kisses. That tradition was soon used at the wedding of the Mrs. and Mr. Baudelaire and Quagmire, and as they kissed, the guests clapped and the two silent friends stopped picking at their delicious tofu dish and turned to each other.

"Hi," said Lemony amid all the noise and chatter.

"Hi," replied Beatrice. There was a small pause, and then, "How was your assignment?"

"Fine," said Lemony. "It was rather dull, but Olaf is really good at investigating fires." He paused again. "By the way, I saw what you put in my notebook. Thank you. It really meant a lot."

"It was true, you know," said Beatrice softly. "I missed you so much, I couldn't even concentrate on my librarian work."

"I missed you, too," said Lemony. I don't want to leave you again, but I have to in a few days. I can't bear the thought of leaving you like that day after the masque."

"Then let's make the most of the time we have," said Beatrice.

They leaned towards each other. They closed their eyes. They kissed. The rest of the guests clapped.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The day after the wedding was the happiest of Lemony and Beatrice's lives. They spent their morning on the paths of Mount Fraught and picnicked near the Stricken Stream. They talked about Lemony's upcoming assignment and discussed the wedding and their friends. In the evening, they sat alone in the library; reading books in armchairs next to each other underneath one lamp until they both fell asleep. When Kit passed the library on the way to get a glass of water, she saw the two sleeping people. Smiling, she walked over to her brother and her friend and covered them with some blankets and turned off the light.

In the morning, Lemony drowsily looked upon the form of the sleeping Beatrice and smiled, remembering the wonderful day that they had shared. However, his joy was soon dampened, for he remembered that he had to leave on another trip in the afternoon. Sadly, he looked once more upon Beatrice and began to pack. By the time Beatrice woke up, Lemony had left and there was a bouquet of wildflowers next to her chair. Next to the vase was a note that said, "I miss you already."

Lemony continued to go on missions to investigate fires. He sometimes went with Olaf, but more often he went alone or with Daniel. Daniel would come along to write stories about the fires for the Volunteer Factual Dispatch, the newspaper of the organization. Unfortunately, the missions often grew longer and Lemony didn't get to see Beatrice very often. However, sometimes they would send each other telegrams via Kit's submarine, which Lemony often traveled in between assignments.

The months, and eventually about two years, passed like this. Samantha and Sarah both had children. Samantha's were triplets, two boys and one girl, all with wide eyes like their mother. Sarah and Dorian's first child was a girl. They, like the rest of the V.F.D. couples, were given houses once they had children. They were large houses; they had to be to accommodate the large libraries the V.F.D. provided with the houses. They continued to work as volunteers, but their assignments were shortened a bit so they could also work at home.

Kit and Jacques, however, were fully devoted to their volunteer work, and were perfectly happy. Jacques was only very rarely seen, so the only news that Lemony or Kit ever received from him was by telegram and often in code. Many of the codes that he used, in fact, were invented by Samantha, who in addition to being a poet, also invented codes that were used by volunteers.

Shortly after the birth of the second Baudelaire child, Lemony went on a mission with Olaf and Daniel. It was the first time Daniel had been on a mission with Olaf. Before that, they hadn't really met that much.

During the daytime, Olaf was fine, and he worked hard and was civil to them. However, even Daniel began to notice the changes in Olaf's routine. Not only did he sit on the stump with the match even later than he did before, but he also began gradually changing his personal hygiene. His hair became more scraggly and also began turning gray in some places. He wore mismatching clothing, and his companions soon began to notice a distinct odor.

Lemony and Daniel were worried for their companion, even thought they didn't know him very well. They would try to be nice to him, but he would only snap back at them. For several nights, they watched him on the log until they fell asleep. One night, they finally heard him talking softly to himself. They decided to approach him, just in case he was addressing them.

They stepped a bit closer and heard his soft voice. "Fire, fire," he whispered.

"What?" asked Daniel. "Is something wrong?"

"Fire," Olaf continued, almost to himself. "Why do we fight it?"

"Because it's destructive," Daniel said, giving Olaf a quizzical look. "We have to fight it to help other people."

"It can't be stopped," said Olaf in a dreamlike state. "It'll never be stopped... It's too powerful. We shouldn't bother..."

"But it's evil! We should always try to stop evil," replied Daniel.

"How can something so powerful be evil?" Olaf asked, turning to his match. "Look at it; it's so perfect. The grand solver of all problems, the tool of power.

"Look at it; can't you see what it could do for us, for me? Don't like something? Just light a match and up it goes!" Here he giggled softly. "Books, homes, hehe," he turned to Lemony and to Daniel, who was looking rather nervous. "Even people. Think about it: why shouldn't we side with a force that has triumphed for thousands of years? After all these years of holding the extinguisher, why don't we strike the match?"

Olaf took the match that he had been carrying for all these months and struck it on his shoe, and stared into the flame in wonder. Lemony and Daniel, now very frightened, saw the fire reflected in his shiny, grinning eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Lemony and Daniel stepped back, away from Olaf. To say that they were scared would be an understatement. The most that they expected was to see Olaf depressed about something. Needless to say, the two friends were thoroughly spooked. Lemony saw that Daniel was shaking and that his eyes were wide open in terror.

Lemony, however, found that even though his mind was frightened, a strange calm had taken over his body. All his premonitions from years ago seemed to come to life. But even though he had grown used to his premonitions, he wasn't used to this. He just stood there, stunned as Olaf continued to chuckle.

"Can't you see?" Olaf declared. "I want to join the side that always wins!"

"Don't be a fool, Olaf," Lemony half-whispered. "Don't give up your life and well-being for something so evil."

"What if you're the fool?" Olaf asked, growing angry. "The concept of good and evil is just an illusion. There is no good or evil, only point of view. And the one who triumphs is the good one."

"Don't hurt yourself," Lemony said. "This will end in disaster, you'll see, you're playing with fire!"

"How dare you disagree with me!" yelled Olaf, becoming furious. "I'm the specialist; you should agree with me!

"No matter," Olaf continued. He had suddenly grown calm. "You're just a problem." He produced four more matches from inside his filthy coat. "And all problems can be solved..." He struck the matches on his shoe. "With fire."

With these words, Olaf threw the matches on piles of dry grass. As Daniel frantically ran from fire to fire, Lemony calmly walked to the closest fire and stomped it out. However, Olaf used the diversion to flee. The last thing that Lemony Snicket heard from Olaf was, "Fire will fix those who oppose me: you, your friends, and all of V.F.D. if necessary. By the way, call me Count Olaf!"

By the time Daniel and Lemony had extinguished all of the fires, Count Olaf was gone.

_Very Long Author's Note! - Instead of combining chapters, I'll use the fact that this chapter is short to describe my writing process, so you'll understand what goes on in the time between updates. First, I take my little green book, which is about the size of a CD case, but a few inches longer, everywhere I go. Then I write in between classes in school, in the waiting room for the doctor, etc. I separate the chapters with the V.F.D. insignia and two lines of space. Each chapter is about four or five pages long (this one was about two). I am currently on page sixty-five! Then I have my friend at my lunch table read it to make sure the plot is ok. Then, when I feel like it, I type it up here on my terrible laptop, chapter by chapter. But I often write faster than I type it on the computer. Right now, I'm about five chapters behind! Oops! Yeah, I know, this is long, but I don't think there's a chapter limit! Progress, however, is going a bit slower now because the plot is getting thicker... Are you intrigued? Too bad! You have to wait!!! SUCKER!!! (hint: What is going on with Kit Snicket?) I also get my friends to draw some illustrations, but they're behind and I'm ahead and my scanner/printer is broken. I just can't get the pictures online._

_One more note from me to those nit-picky people: Sorry about the age difference between the siblings! Geez... It's just that I didn't know that Lemony was the youngest, and also that I wanted him to be the one to look after Kit and Jacques, for reasons that will become obvious later. I know that I will be proven wrong more eventually, but I want to stick to my story more than be accurate, now that it's really getting good. Don't let the little things bug you, ok? I'll try to be accurate! I'm glad y'all like the psycho Olaf! Thanks everyone for reading!_


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The whole problem with Olaf went rather calmly with the organization at first. They didn't figure that he was much of a real threat. And, even though he wasn't required to, Lemony enlisted Daniel and Samantha's help in compiling a file of papers and evidence about that night and Olaf's other activities. Beatrice agreed to keep it safe in the library.

Lemony and his siblings and friends all kept on the lookout for Olaf, since they all had suspicions that he could do some real harm.

After several months, more members of V.F.D. began disappearing without a trace; even their belongings were gone. It wasn't long until somebody that the friends knew also disappeared. One day, the crew or a small submarine that Kit had helped build, the Queequeg, reported that a young man from their crew, Fernald, had gone missing. There wasn't necessarily any evidence that there wasn't any foul play involved, but Kit still felt obligated to investigate, so she journeyed to the spot where he was last seen.

The day that she reached that spot was very cloudy, but Kit had no trouble seeing that there was nothing suspicious around the submarine that she was in. However, she was a determined woman and had nothing else to do that day, so she sent a message to Jacques and Lemony, telling them of her decision to stay for a little longer to make sure everything was okay.

For an hour or two she stayed there, playing cards and reading the Volunteer Factual Dispatch to pass the time. Then, halfway through an article about the newest volunteer technology, she realized that she had left the radar off. Not wanting to miss anything, she flicked the "on" switch. As soon as she did, she found that another vehicle was approaching her submarine at a dangerously fast pace. Her radar told her that it was a V.F.D. submarine, so she turned on her radio and tried to hail it.

"Hello," she said into the radio. "Who's there?" The submarine on the radar did not respond.

"Is this thing on?" she asked again, tapping the radio with her finger. She didn't see anything wrong with the radio or the radar, which showed that the other submarine was heading straight for her. Soon she had visual contact. She was bracing herself for impact when the submarine veered off course at the last second. Even before she could breathe a sigh of relief, the radio finally came on.

"Kit Snicket," the raspy voice said. "You are a problem; prepare to be dealt with!" Just a second later, there was a tremendously loud noise and an explosion which rocked the boat. Her brown hair flew about her face as she brought the submarine to the surface. She managed to send a message just before a second explosion hit the sub and Kit blacked out.

Suprising news can either be good, like the earlier news of the engagements of the Snicket siblings' friends, or bad. Usually it's very clear what type of news it is when one reacts to it. If it is good, the person might smile, or, it they are very tall, they might jump for joy and bump their heads on the ceiling. But more often than not, the unexpected news is bad. People who are unfortunate enough to receive this type of news might frown or burst into tears, depending on the severity of the bad news.

Lemony and Jacques were riding in one of the new helicopters that were veing tested for flaws by the volunteers. They were in rather good spirits, since the feel of flight is exhilarating. As they were laughing and having a rare moment of brotherly togetherness, a message came in on a piece of paper nearby Jacques.

"Well," Lemony said happily. "At least we know that works! What is it, Jacques?"

Jacques' face fell as he read the words on the paper. The news on that piece of paper wasn't good or bad; it was catastrophic.

"Get this helicopter turned around," Jacques said quickly. "We have to go. Now."

Hearing the sense of urgency in his brother's voice, Lemony knew not to question his brother. He convinced the pilot to turn around and pick up a medic from a nearby outpost. As they were rushing across the water, Jacques finally told Lemony about the note.

"It's Kit," he said quietly. "I think she's in trouble." He handed Lemony the note. It said:

_**PLZ HLP ME. OLF HRE. KS.**_

"Oh, no," whispered Lemony. "Not Kit... We have to help her."

"That's where we're going," Jacques said gently, putting his hand on Lemony's shoulder. "We'll find her. She's the best submarine pilot around. She'll be okay."

"We have arrived," the pilot said over the intercom. "We have visual contact."

Lemony and Jacques hurriedly turned to the window, searching for any sign of their sister. The amphibious helicopter landed on the water, and the brothers gasped at what they saw. A few yards away from them were the battered remains of a small submarine. It was scorched and dented and there were several small flames remaining on it. Hanging halfway out of the top hatch was the form of a woman as battered as the submarine she rode in.

Kit was immediately brought back to the medical wing of the V.F.D. headquarters. She stayed unconscious for days while the doctors treated her horrible burns. One of her brothers was always at her side, and the Baudelaires and Quagmires soon came and visited her, too. Sarah would bring the most fragrant flowers to put next to Kit's bed, and the Quagmires made meals and brought them to Jacques and Lemony so they wouldn't have to leave their sister's side.

The doctors eventually said that Kit would recover, but there would be scarring on her arms and legs, and her hands would always have to be covered to protect them, because they would never fully heal.

One quiet afternoon three days after Kit's incident with the submarine, Lemony was sitting with Beatrice in Kit's room. They were putting the evidence of Kit's encounter in the Snicket file when Kit suddenly awoke with a loud scream.

"Help!" she yelled, suddenly jerked back to consciousness. "Don't hurt me! Get away from my submarine!" She fell back on her bed, gasping for air.

Lemony leaned over her bed while the others rushed into the room, alarmed. "Quiet, Kit," he said gently. "It's just me, Lemony, your brother. What happened."

"Oh, Lemony!" she cried, bursting into tears. "I was... And he was... Oh, Lemony!" She could barely talk through her sobs. "I was so scared!"

"Please," pleaded Jacques. "Just tell us what happened."

As she told them what happened, her eyes were wide open with fear and her breathing was irregular. She began to glance around at her surroundings, like the IV in her arm and the bandages all over her hands.

"Olaf," she said. "He wants the file! Jacques, he knows that it could hurt him!" She looked frantically at her brothers, the Quagmires, and the Baudelaires. "He'll kill us! He'll kill us if we don't give it to him! Oh, Lemony, I'm so scared!" She fell back on her pillow, breathing heavily. The doctors, concerned about Kit's health, ushered the visitors out of the room.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

The friends, alarmed about what happened to Kit, went to the library to discuss what to do next.

"We can't give him the file!" said Dorian as soon as they were safely out of hearing range from any of the volunteers.

"But if we don't, there's no telling what he'd do to us," replied Daniel. "Just look at what he did to poor Kit!"

"We can't give it to him," Sarah said. "Don't you see? It contains all the evidence against him. If he gets it and destroys it, nobody will be able to stop him. He'll be able to do whatever he wants."

"Even if he does destroy it," Samantha continued. "Who's to say that he won't hurt us then?"

"You're right," Daniel quietly admitted.

Samantha continued, "We just need to be more careful. As long as we are not alone and the file is safe and hidden, he can't hurt us."

"We have to promise," declared Dorian. "That we will continue to gather information against Olaf that could be used against him. We must promise that we will never tell anyone outside our group the location of the file. Agreed?"

Everyone put their hands together to seal their promise. Everyone except Jacques, who stood staring at the door to his rail sister's room. He thought about her future; how she wouldn't be able to touch seawater with her bare hands again for fear of infecting the burns. He remembered the time he saw her crumpled over the hatch of her damaged submarine, covered in terrible burns. He saw the terrified look on her face again in his mind and put his hand with his friends' in agreement.

"We will defeat him," Jacques said. "For Kit."

The friends were cautious for a while after Kit's attack. They always went places in groups of two or more, they got Beatrice to hide the file in the library, and they always supervised their cooking. After a while, even the Baudelaires and Quagmires had seen no sign of count Olaf. They soon began to relax, read in empty rooms, and even Lemony would sometimes leave the kitchen for a moment to check on Kit's bandages.

One night, however, the false sense of security brought about dire consequences. Lemony was walking in the woods nearby a fire that he had been investigating. He was enjoying the crisp sound of crunching leaves under his feet when his thoughts wandered to the recent events in the organization. More people had been disappearing rently, and there were also more fires than before. Lemony and his friends were pretty sure that it had something to do with Olaf and his followers, but before he could think much about it, a familiar scent reached his nose.

"Is that smoke?" he asked himself, running to the source of the odor.

He ran towards a small clearing which contained a small cabin. The cabin was ablaze and there were people rushing about, trying to put out the fire. Lemony stood at the edge of the clearing, gasped in amazement, and burst into a fit of coughing because of the smoke. After a minute or two of coughing, Lemony looked at the people frantically running around with cups of water.

"These people can't put out the fire," he realized. "I'm the only one who knows how." He then ran out of the clearing, rushing to get his equipment.

He sprinted through the dark woods, stumbling on roots and bits of brush. On the way to his camp, Lemony ran into a person whose face was covered in shadows.

"Sorry," Lemony muttered, beginning to rush on towards his camp again.

"You will never extinguish the fire," the raspy voice said. "It will be your demise, Snicket!"

Hearing this, Lemony quickly turned to see who it was. However, the person had mysteriously disappeared. "Who...? Olaf...?" he whispered. "Olaf!" he yelled at the voice. "Come out! You can't hide!" Nothing happened.

After a minute, he realized that he needed to get his equipment to fight the fire at the cabin. By the time he returned to the clearing, he found that he people had left and the wooden cottage had almost been completely reduced to glowing coals and ashes. Since he could no longer help the fire, Lemony sighed and returned to his camp.

After that assignment, he returned to the headquarters. However, when he got there, he saw the building nearly empty. He ran, worried around the headquarters until he passed by Beatrice's room and saw Beatrice, Jacques, Kit, and the Baudelaire and Quagmire parents.

"Lemony!" cried Beatrice. "We've been so worried about you!"

"What are you doing here?" asked Lemony worriedly. "Is anything wrong? Why aren't Daniel, Dorian, Samantha, and Sarah at their houses?"

"We were so worried for you," Sarah said, standing up from her armchair. "Haven't you heard what happened?"

Jacques continued, "Several copies of today's Daily Punctillio have been received by volunteers. Lemony, do you know anything about a fire from last night?"

"I saw it; why do you ask?" asked Lemony.

Kit handed Lemony a copy of the newspaper and pointed to the front page.

_UNEXPLAINED FIRE DESTROYS COTTAGE-_

_A fire destroyed a small cottage last night. No injuries have been reported and no one was living there at the time. However, our very reliable sources confirm that there was also a mysterious person around at the time of the fire, who is now considered a suspect but has not been apprehended. If you have seen this man, please contact the authorities immediately._

Lemony looked at the blurry, poorly taken photo and saw that the picture was of himself.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Jumping to conclusions, as many people know, is a dangerous pastime. The reason that it is so dangerous is that it is often the wrong conclusions hat people jump to. Sometimes it is also dangerous when people who are often believed jump to conclusions, since many people will end up believing the information even if it is false.

The newspaper, the Daily Punctilio, often jumped to conclusions since they were known for writing articles about anything people would tell them, even if it wasn't true. And, unfortunately, people often believe that everything in the newspapers is true.

"People think you set the fire, Lemony," Daniel said. "We don't, but we just want to know what happened."

After Lemony told them of the events from the previous night, he told them who he thought was responsible. "I bet it was Olaf," Lemony explained.

"Are you sure it was him?" Dorian asked. "How could you tell, if it was so dark?"

"I'm sure it was his voice," Lemony said defensively.

"Our point is," Beatrice said. "Is that many people will not believe you. We already know that the volunteers have plans to investigate this issue. Since there are so many people joining Olaf and leaving V.F.D., the volunteers are suspicious. Several think that you are joining Olaf."

"I am not!" Lemony cried indignantly. "I didn't start that fire! Don't you believe me?"

"We believe you, Lemony," Kit said gently, putting her hand on his shoulder. "But the organization doesn't feel safe like it used to. They can't trust one person's word against all this evidence."

Sarah stepped forward. "We just think that you should maybe stay someplace safer until this blows over. We can leave tomorrow; that's when the rest of the volunteers are going to come back."

"You're siding with them, aren't you?" Lemony cried, tears forming in his eyes. "I won't go!" He ran to his room, not wanting to face his friends. He stayed there for a while until Beatrice came in quietly.

"I know you're upset, but we only want you to be safe. We have a place for you to work while you're gone. You can do what you like to do and you will be safe. People will not recognize you."

Lemony stayed silent.

"Please, Lemony," she continued. "Will you do this for me? We will still be able to communicate."

Lemony sighed. "Does this mean I've been fired?"

"No," Beatrice replied. "I don't think they'll fire you. You'll just be out of trouble there."

"What's the job?"

"You've been signed up as the new dramatic critic at the Daily Punctilio. It'll be safe since theaters are always dark. Nobody will recognize you from the picture. We've already given you a place to stay and you will be able to communicate with me. You'll even help us investigate Olaf by giving us information from the Daily Punctilio. Will you do this for me, please? It'll only be for a week or two."

Lemony looked up at Beatrice and saw that her eyes were filled with tears. "Please," she said. "I just want you to be safe."

Lemony kissed Beatrice gently and said, "I'll do it for you."

In the morning, Lemony packed a few changes of clothes along with his green notebook and his typewriter. He left most of his belongings there to show the other volunteers that he wasn't leaving forever to join Olaf. He gathered everything into his carpetbag and journeyed to the taxi that Kit was going to use to take him to the first theater he was assigned to visit. He threw his bag into the trunk and walked back to the entrance where Beatrice was waiting.

"I was afraid you'd leave without saying goodbye," Beatrice said.

"I wouldn't do that," Lemony replied, giving Beatrice a quick hug.

"Before you leave," Beatrice said. "I have a present for you." She handed him an oddly shaped package wrapped with brown paper, which was tied with a lavender ribbon. He untied it and found a handsome bowler hat.

"It's wonderful! I love it," Lemony exclaimed, trying it on.

"Think of it as an early birthday present, Lemony," Beatrice whispered. "If all goes well, you will be back by your birthday."

Beatrice hugged the surprised Lemony. Amidst the occurrences of the past few weeks, Lemony completely forgot that his birthday was coming in a little more than two weeks.

Kit honked the horn, telling Lemony to hurry up. Lemony said goodbye to his brother and to the Baudelaires and Quagmires. He wandered through the morning mist towards the taxi, where Kit was already waiting with her gloved hands on the steering wheel. As he opened the door, he glanced back to look at Beatrice, but she wasn't visible through the fog. Sighing, Lemony Snicket sat in the passenger's seat next to his sister, who gave him a small smile before driving away from the V.F.D. headquarters.

**Yo, yo, yo! Another author's note:**

**Once again, I'm sorry for the little things that were found wrong, such as the age difference between the siblings. I'm glad that you guys pointed it out. Now I will be able to fix it in other fanfics that I might write. I want to point out that I am not twisting the facts to fit my story. I want to write the tale of Lemony as accurate as possible. There are just so many things to keep up with! It's really hard to write a prequel! Don't worry, though, the ages aren't as prominent as the ages in the original ASOUE books, so I don't think it'll be much of a problem.**

**A response, if I may, to a particular review about my writing style. At first, I did want to imitate Lemony Snicket's writing style. I don't know why; I guess it just seemed like a good place to start. I just liked it, I guess. I also had little experience writing fiction, so I just wanted to have something to help me out, since I was used to writing free-form essays. I'm currently weaning myself off it, though (I'm using those patches and gum... Just kidding!) . I go off on tangents all the time, even on my other writing, so I'm sure that you haven't seen the last of the paragraphs like the first one on this chapter. I'm just going to use it as much. I have not as much need to use it now, since the plot is becoming a bit less childish. But in summary, dear readers, I did start by coping Mr. Snicket, but it is now, in my opinion, my work and my style. It just happens to look a little bit like Lemony Snicket's. I promise, no more "defining words and phrases", a phrase which here means... Just kidding!**

**Continue to send in the reviews! I really appreciate them! More chapters to come!****Thank you very much!**

**PS: I have a question for y'all! Do you want me to start naming the chapters? That way it might be easier for you to be able to keep track... Just tell me when you send in reviews, please.**


	14. Dramatic Critic Blues

Chapter 14 Dramatic Critic Blues

Lemony Snicket grew to like life as a dramatic critic. It wasn't, in his opinion, as good as being a volunteer, but he did have a little bit of fun. He had opportunities to see plays by Shakespeare, as well as musicals and comedies. All he had to do was write short reports on his opinions of each play, and he would get into the plays for free on opening night, free concessions, and good seats. A man would drive by the theater soon after the play was over and pick up the article to bring to the newspaper. He would often bring the unfinished newspaper to Lemony so he could read it and relay the important information to the V.F.D. volunteers.

In the short space of those two weeks, his columns became very popular amongst the volunteers because of their frank nature. Since the volunteers were very well read and intelligent, they appreciate his "cut to the chase" approach, which often made harsh criticisms of the plays. To them, it was a welcome change from the boring columns that only paid complements to the plays. He even wrote about the audience. A sample column went like this:

_"I recently attended the play 'The Apples of Wrath' and I cannot comprehend what would drive the playwright Carla Burr to make such a horrendous play. In addition to the cacophony caused by people unwrapping candy wrappers and coughing loudly, I had a dismal time. The dancing fruit often tripped over their ridiculous costumes. When the rebellious pear was about to be questioned by the grand high apple, I was drifting off to sleep. At the end, when the strawberry and the pineapple were married by the kiwi priest, I was smiling and clapping wit the rest of the audience only because I was happy that the play was almost over. On the bright side, however, the popcorn at the concession stand was delicious."_

The reason that the reviews were so cynical was the Lemony was optimistic. He fully expected everything to be back to normal by the end of the two weeks. Plus, he enjoyed speaking his mind.

The volunteers appreciated receiving the Daily Punctilio early. Lemony's reports on the newspaper gave the volunteers important information, such as the locations of recent fires and the answers to the crossword puzzle. Therefore, at the end of the two weeks, Lemony received a note telling him to keep doing that as his permanent job. All of his belongings were moved to the Valorous Farms Dairy so he could live closer to the theater district.

The day he moved into the dairy was a pleasant one. He was in his new room, looking out the window and folding his clothes. He unpacked his last sweater and saw his bowler hat at the bottom of his suitcase. The sight of the present from Beatrice made his eyes well up with tears. This was his twenty-fourth birthday, and he would not be spending it with Beatrice. Lemony sighed, hung his hat on a peg on the wall, and sat on his bed. There he stared at the sunny sky and wondered how he would spend his birthday, which now seemed more overcast than sunny without his dear friend.

However, Lemony did not get to contemplate this issue much, for one of the young girls training at the dairy rushed in wearing her overalls and had her hair in braids. "Mail time!" she shouted, thrusting a letter into his hand. "Lucky you," she said happily, winking at him. "You get mail your first day here!" She gave Lemony a smile and walked out of the room.

Inside the small envelope was a letter and a small item. Lemony was filled with a mixture of joy and sadness as he read it.

_Dear Lemony_

_I miss you a lot. I hope your birthday is going well. I'm so sad that we couldn't be together today, but maybe you can see me later._

_I would've gotten you a bigger present, but I thought you'd appreciate this. Wear this whenever you miss me._

_-From Beatrice_

Lemony looked in the envelope and saw a handmade hemp bracelet with beads shaped like eyes. Smiling, he brushed the tears from his cheeks and tried on the bracelet. The eye shaped beads shimmered in the sun. He decided then and there that he would make the most of his special day.

He treated himself to a walk and picnic in the woods surrounding the dairy. When the volunteers there heard that it was his birthday, they gave him fresh ice cream and the volunteer sketch artist made him a thoughtful card. That night, when Lemony attended another play, he treated himself to another popcorn and a coffee and stepped outside the theater. As he sat on a small wall outside, he pushed up his sleeve to glance at his watch and look at the bracelet from Beatrice. He sighed, leaned back, and stared at the stars just as the lights in the theater blinked to announce the coming of the second act of the play, and, perhaps, Lemony Snicket's life.

**Hooray! Another author's note:**

**I'm sorry that I haven't written in a while. I had a secret mission involving homecoming dance, poisoned punch, and mishaps involving sleeveless gowns. I couldn't, unfortunately, find out what my fellow volunteers were trying to tell me, even though I stared into the punch bowl long into the night. But I am back now.**

**Thank you, Visual Purple for your reviews. I'm grateful for your input. Since yours was the only response to my question in the previous chapter, I will take your advice and give the chapters crappy names, starting... wait for it... NOW!**


	15. Framed!

Chapter 15 – FRAMED!

The play ended. It was a decent play. There was only one thing terribly wrong with it, and that was a singer in the chorus who sang off key just enough to be irritating, but not bad enough to be unbearable.

Lemony thought about this as he sat on the same wall as he had earlier and took out his little typewriter and began to write out his review. He sat outside, typing his review underneath a streetlight. The person who was supposed to take Lemony's review to the Daily Punctilio was late, so Lemony sat on that wall for a long time, typing out a letter to Beatrice to thank her for the bracelet. "He must've just forgotten about me," Lemony thought. "I'll just walk back to the dairy and send in the review from there." He was a bit annoyed as he put his typewriter in his bag, but he enjoyed having a chance to take a walk by himself. He stood up, finished packing his stuff, and threw his bag over his shoulder.

Just as he was about to walk on, he heard footsteps behind him in the direction of the theater. He turned around to see what was going on, since he hadn't seen anyone else around so late. What he saw was about to change his life.

In the darkness of the night was the figure of a person covered in shadow. It was hard to tell what the person was doing, but soon Lemony found out.

The mysterious person was brandishing a torch. To Lemony's horror, the stranger took the torch and thrust it into a window of the theater. Smoke immediately began to stream out of the window as the theater ignited like a tinderbox. Although the fire was distracting him, Lemony noticed the person sneaking away.

"Stop right there!" Lemony cried, chasing after the mysterious person. Unfortunately, the person had a head start and Lemony was only able to jog a few yards before he realized that he would never be able to catch up. He stopped next to the burning theater and wondered what he could do. Unlike the last fire he witnessed, Lemony had nothing to help put out the fire. All he had with him was paper and a small typewriter. He didn't even have access to a pay phone. Yet he stayed, racking his brain for was to help, since he felt that it was his duty to help. He was, after all, a volunteer fire fighter, even if he was just a researcher.

Amid the flickering light caused by the flames, Lemony saw a flash. He turned around and saw that since the mysterious person had left, a small group of people had gathered near the street. These people were whispering amongst themselves and pointing in the direction of the theater and Lemony who, by now, was standing right next to the burning building. The only person who was not whispering was holding a camera, which was pointed right at the stunned Lemony Snicket.

Lemony realized what these people were thinking, and he didn't know what to do. So, as the sirens of the fire trucks came into hearing range, Lemony could think of only one thing to do. He ran.

He ran through the dark, stumbling around until he reached the dairy. He realized that there would be much more trouble over this fire than the last one. People had been willing to admit that Lemony was not to blame for the previous fire, but this new evidence against him would surely be too much. Since the schism between Olaf's supporters and the volunteers, V.F.D. had been strained. With so many members leaving, the volunteers had to do many things that they were not used to doing, like going undercover and using civilian transportation. Lemony was afraid that the suspicion would just be too much for the struggling organization. It might cause them to do something rash, like firing Lemony.

Lemony reached the dairy and managed to sneak into his room without waking anybody. He quickly packed his clothes in a small bag, along with his typewriter, his green commonplace book, and a few smaller belongings. He sent a message to his friends, siblings, and to Beatrice. He was about to leave the dairy behind when he remembered the young neophyte who had brought him his mail that morning.

"She'll wake up," he thought to himself. "And think that I'm responsible for arson." He decided to leave a note on the dairy refrigerator.

_I'm sorry for the short notice, but I'll be gone for a little while. I have some research that I need to do. Thanks for everything._

_-L.S._

He put the note underneath a cow-shaped magnet, put on his hat, and walked out the door.

**What's going to happen to poor Lemony? I know and you don't! Haha! (You'll find out soon enough, don't worry!)**


	16. Alone in the City

Chapter 16 – Alone in the City

A man could be found that next morning walking in the banking district. His bowler hat and his jacket made him look like everybody else on that busy street. He had a tired look about him and, instead of rushing about, he walked slowly and shuffled his feet. His eyes were downcast, as if his glasses enabled him to see the subway underneath the street. All the people rushing to work scarcely noticed the young man; instead, they just rushed around him like he was a tree or a streetlamp.

That was exactly how he liked it. He didn't want to be noticed.

A used newspaper fluttered about the sidewalk until it got caught on the man's ankles. He picked up the newspaper and if someone had been watching him, they would have noticed that there was an odd tattoo on his ankle. He sat on the edge of the large fountain and read the front-page article.

GRAND ARSONIST ON THE LOOSE 

_For the second time this month, a building has been deliberately set on fire. Earlier this month, a small cottage was burned to the ground. Yesterday, the Les Comedies Theatre was also burned. Damage was extensive, since the fire occurred after business hours and no one could reach a pay phone immediately. Both fires, luckily, did not have any casualties._

_There was a mysterious person at both of the sites. Pictures of the person are shown above and were taken by amateur photographers who wish to remain anonymous. This man in the pictures is now considered a prime suspect. He is considered dangerous. His age is estimated at about 'tall with brown eyes', and he may or may not wear any shoes. If you have seen anyone matching this description, please contact your local law enforcement officials immediately._

The man half smiled as he adjusted his glasses and looked at the pictures in the paper. The one on the left was a blurry one that had been used in a previous article, while the other one was crisper, but too dark to make out the figure in the foreground. A burning building was just visible in the background of the second picture.

The man crumpled up the newspaper and threw it into a nearby trashcan. Nobody on that crowded street would be able to recognize who he was.

His name was Lemony Snicket, and he was the one everyone was looking for. He had been wandering around the many districts of the town and was currently in the banking district. He had figured that he could walk about freely since the bankers were too busy to notice him.

Since he had left so late at night, he hadn't gotten very much sleep. He considered taking a short nap right there by the fountain, but he decided against it.

"They wouldn't notice someone just walking around, but I'm sure they would notice someone sleeping out in the open," he thought. He stood up, ready to wander on. "Maybe I'll be able to catch a nap at the library," he thought to himself. "I bet I'll be able to do some research there to clear my name, too."

Lemony shuffled on towards the library.

That same morning, Jacques woke up. He was, for the first time in weeks, actually staying in his room in the V.F.D. headquarters. He was sleeping late, since he arrived a little bit late at night. He woke up to the fall sunshine peeking through the blinds and landing softly on his cheeks. Slowly, he opened his eyes, sat up, and looked through the window at the falling leaves.

He rubbed his eyes and, looking around, noticed that he had received several messages. Since each one came on a separate piece of paper on top of each other, he read them in reverse order.

_To: J.S._

_From: D.B._

_I am late to the meeting STOP Will you tell Beatrice that I'll be late STOP I know you are always up early so you will be able to tell her STOP I hate using these stops STOP_

Jacques was puzzled about this note, since he had not heard about a meeting. He reached for the next message.

_To: J.S._

_From: B.T._

_Urgent STOP Have you heard about L.S. yet STOP I have scheduled a meeting for nine o'clock STOP This is urgent and K.S., S.B., D.B., S.Q., and D.Q. to attend STOP I really hate using these stops STOP_

He glanced at his alarm clock. "Eight fifty-nine," he thought. "Oh, great. I'm gonna be late to this meeting thing." Since he was already going to be late, he yawned and picked up the final telegram.

_To: J.S._

_From: L.S._

Do not believe what you read in the Daily Punctilio STOP It is simply not true STOP I did not set those fires STOP Please help me STOP I have no idea what to do STOP I'm scared STOP P.S. These stops are really annoying STOP

This final telegram worried Jacques. "Oh, no," he thought. "Is Lemony in trouble?" He looked at the final two telegrams and, figuring that Beatrice and the others knew something about Lemony, rushed to the meeting to find out if something was wrong.

By the time Jacques rushed into the library, Kit, Beatrice, and the Quagmires were already sitting in armchairs and talking quietly.

"I just woke up. What happened?" asked Jacque as he walked in.

"Lemony's gone missing," said Samantha. "He left the dairy last night."

"Apparently there is no evidence of foul play in his disappearance, but we think we know why he left," said Daniel. Just then, Sarah and Dorian walked in late.

"Sorry," Dorian apologized. "We had to drop Violet and Klaus off at school. So what's going on?"

"Take a look at this," said Kit as she handed the friends the copy of the Daily Punctilio.

"He must've been framed!" exclaimed Dorian after he glanced through the article.

"It's quite possible," said Beatrice. "My research shows that the theater which burned down was the one that Lemony visited for his job. It would've been easy for anyone to track him down."

"After all," added Kit. "Out of all the theaters in the district, why else would someone pick that particular one?"

"It must've been Olaf!" exclaimed Daniel. "He must still be looking for the file!"

"We have to find him before Olaf does!" Beatrice said. "Jacques, look through the city for any sign of him. Kit, search the coast. Everybody else, just try to find information about Lemony's whereabouts to add to the file. If you find anything, send me a message. We have to make sure he's safe," she said quietly. Only Kit noticed the tear of worry rolling down her cheek.


	17. Captured!

Chapter 17 – Captured!

(long chapter, or Very Full Division)

Lemony spent the day at the public library. He did manage to take a nap without being disturbed. Because he had his head in his book, he just looked like an ordinary student who was exhausted from studying. In between naps, he poured though books, searching for anything to help him clear his name. The results were mostly fruitless, but Lemony began to gradually feel better due to his naps. When the sky outside began to turn dark, Lemony dozed off again and started dreaming about Beatrice. He saw her in the sunny V.F.D. library, smiling as she adjusted her silver glasses and tucked her long strands of hair behind her ear. He saw her put aside her book and walk towards him. A bright light was coming from the big window behind her, making he look almost angelic. She tapped him on his shoulder. She then tapped again. Lemony woke with a start to a librarian standing next to him with her hand on his shoulder.

"Closing time," she told him softly. "You have to leave, I'm sorry. You can come back tomorrow."

Lemony yawned and left the now empty library. It was dark outside and starting to get cold. Lemony shivered and pulled his jacket over his shoulder. He wondered through the empty streets and alleyways looking for a place to stay. Soon he ended up in an alley near an abandoned fast food district. As the lamplight faded behind him, a small breeze carried a discarded hamburger wrapper across his path, as well as the faint sound of a voice.

"What do you mean, you haven't found him yet?" The voice grew louder and more demanding as Lemony crept towards it.

The voice continued. "How hard could it be to find one guy? I even managed to set it up for you!" The voice was unmistakable. It was Olaf. Cautiously, Lemony made sure that he was behind a wall so that Olaf couldn't see him. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out his commonplace book. "I should write down what he's up to. After all, I'm a volunteer. It's my duty to gather information to help the organization and clear my name," he thought as he pulled out a pencil and squinted to be able to write in the dim light.

"It's not like I couldn't find him, Olaf," protested the other voice. "I caught a glimpse of him this morning, but he was in a crowd. I lost him."

"I didn't let you join me just so you could ALMOST get him!" Lemony heard something slam into the ground. "I want him out of the picture and I want the file!"

"I don't have the file with me," Lemony thought.

"I don't think he has the file with him," said the voice. "His bag is too small for something like that."

"Fine," Olaf contemplated. "But even if he doesn't have it, I still want you to capture him. He may not have the file, but he wrote it. He is, essentially, the file. We'll split our efforts and try to get rid of both the file and its authors. Anyway, I bet the file is in that library with that Beatrice girl. They'll both be easy to get rid of! Say, Hooky, what's for dinner tonight?"

"Roast bee-" the other voice began to reply, but was interrupted by a loud banging noise. Lemony had been so startled by Olaf's plot that he moved his hand just enough to knock over one of the trash cans that he was hiding behind. The noise was so loud that it startled both Lemony and the other man.

"What was that?" Lemony heard Olaf ask. He heard the two sets of footsteps coming towards him and ran. A hook appeared from around the corner attached to a long, thin arm as someone appeared from behind the corner. Lemony was just about to turn the corner when the man who Olaf was talking to peered around the corner and saw Lemony run out of sight.

"Boss!" the mysterious voice yelled. "Someone was listening to us!" As Lemony was running away, he heard Olaf and the man chasing after him. He ran faster and stumbled through the dark cobblestone streets until he ducked, exhausted, behind an abandoned fruit cart and waited, barely daring to breathe until Olaf's footsteps died away. He sighed, panic giving way to exhaustion as the past sleepless nights took its toll and he fell asleep right there on the ground.

Jacques arrived in the city that next morning on Kit's submarine. He brought his disguise kit and a change of clothes with him, along with some money for food. He wandered through the city is his gray suit so he wouldn't stand out. At lunch, his search was still fruitless, so he ordered a tomato sandwich, Lemony's favorite, from the Very Fancy Diner, a volunteer-run restaurant that would not be very suspicious towards the people with the tattoos on their ankles. He took his sandwich sadly and sat down at the same fountain that his brother had sat at just the day before. He wondered where his brother was and if he was safe. He scanned the crowd in the banking district for any sign of his brother. For the first time in years, he was not thinking about his volunteer duties.

He bit into his sandwich.

When Lemony woke up that morning, the first thing he noticed was the late morning sun streaming on his face. He then noticed that he was lying on a cold concrete floor instead of the pebble-filled grass that he had fallen asleep on. By the time his mind had wandered out of its morning's grogginess and tried to rub his eyes, he realized a third thing. His hands were tied behind his back.

Realizing this, he quickly woke up and struggled to see where he was. It looked like a cold basement. There were only two small windows near the top of the stone walls and there was only one bare unlit light bulb on the ceiling. Lemony struggled to stand up and quickly realized that his legs were also bound tight with a strong rope, which completely kept him from moving. He jerked his body so he could look around and saw that the room was completely bare and that his small bag with his typewriter and his nail clippers, which would have been useful at that point, were gone. The only thing he still had was his small green commonplace notebook that he had left in his pocket. His mind was ablaze with questions as to where he was, who had brought him there, and how he could get those uncomfortable ropes off his wrists and ankles, when he heard the door at the top of the stairs creak open and a thin shaft of light streamed through the door. Soon a bony ankle with an all too familiar tattoo on it came into view, followed by the skinny leg of Count Olaf.

Olaf meandered down the stairs looking quite pleased with himself. Lemony knew instantly that Olaf was the one responsible for his capture. Remembering all the things Olaf had done to his siblings and friends, Lemony viciously fought against his bonds. He wanted to shout at his captor, but couldn't because he was so blinded by anger. Besides, he had nearly forgotten that someone had tied a cloth around his mouth which made it difficult to breathe, let alone speak. Olaf only grinned and stood over his struggling captive.

"Well," he said grandly. "Look who we have here! It's the famous Lemony Snicket, the dramatic critic! What an honor it is to have such distinguished company." He bent over and unceremoniously ripped the cloth off Lemony's face. "Y'know," he continued. "I was just going to steal a banana from a nearby fruit stand, but when I saw you sleeping behind the cart, I decided to take you instead." He chuckled softly.

"You did it, didn't you?" Lemony spat as soon as he found his breath. "You attacked Kit and set those fires!"

"Nope," Olaf said in a sing-song voice. "It was a mysterious member of a secret organization. Don't you ever read the newspaper?"

"You'll never get away with this," replied Lemony, using a common cliché. "  
My friends and the volunteers will always fight you!"

"Don't be so sure about that," Olaf mused. "If you returned to your precious headquarters, your coworkers would arrest you like a common criminal. Only seven people in all of V.F.D. actually believe you. And that number will soon be decreased."

"Beatrice!" Lemony exclaimed, remembering what Olaf had said the previous night. "You can't hurt her! Stay away from her, you villain!"

"Tell me where the file is, Snicket!" demanded Olaf. He took out a long knife and pressed it against Lemony's throat and whispered, "Tell me or you'll die along with the librarian!"

Lemony was breathing hard, but did not say a word. He knew that he could not expect such an evil man to live up to his promise even if Lemony did cooperate. Olaf put the knife away.

"I'll let you think about it, Snicket." Olaf said Lemony's last name like one would talk about a bug. "By the end of the day, I'll have the file, or you won't be alive to see your Beatrice again."

He held the knife so it glimmered in the dim light. Then he stormed back up the stairs, leaving the bound and frightened Lemony with his thoughts.


	18. Out of the Belly of the Beast

**I have decided to start replying to reviews, so here we go!**

Jedi Master Robby: Well, of course it was disturbing; did you have any real doubts? I also wanted to reinforce the Olaf being evil thing. I must confess, it was fun! grins evilly

**Bellatrix Lestrange9: O.o Goldfish sword? I'd like to see that!**

**Visualpurple: I hate punch, but I hate dances more. I'm glad mine is over! Fine! I'm updating!!!**

Chapter 18

He stayed in that dark basement for hours. Just how long he was kept there was hard to tell, since the only way he could tell that the day was slowly passing was by the direction of the sunlight through those two tiny windows. Before two powder-faced women came down to bring the tied-up Lemony a few crusts of stale bread for his lunch, he managed to move a bit towards the wall so he could sit against it and be more comfortable. The two powder-faced women were not as mean as Olaf, but the hook-handed man often came down to interrogate Lemony and threaten him with his sharp hooks. It was during one of these interrogations, in fact, that one person actually noticed what was going on.

Jacques was walking past an abandoned apartment building near Dark Avenue at the time. He had been searching all over the city for a long time and was tired and ready to give up hope of seeing his brother again. Suddenly he heard yelling from the building. He willed his tired legs to take him towards the source of the sound. He walked around the back of the building towards a tiny window close to the ground and peered into it, being careful not to be seen.

The room inside was dark, but Jacques could just make out two forms. One was lying on the floor, and was obviously tied up. The other's silhouette was one of the oddest Jacques had ever seen, for the man had hooks instead of hands. Jacques cringed as the man with the hooks gave the poor man on the ground a savage kick in the stomach and began to shout at him.

"Tell me!" he yelled.

"I can't," the man wheezed through his injuries.

:If you don't talk, you don't know what my boss'll do to you," threatened the hook-handed man. "I'll leave you for now, but I'll remind you; there are some things worse than death, Snicket!"

This last comment made Jacques gasp and then quickly move his head away from the window for fear of being seen. He realized that the man on the floor was his brother! As he realized this, he cringed again, remembering the horrible treatment that he had seen his brother endure. He peered into the window again and saw the dim form of his brother still tied up and lying on the floor.

He didn't see anybody else in the room, so he knocked on the window to try to get his brother's attention. The form crumpled on the floor did not move, so Jacques took his flashlight to get a better look. With the aid of that new light, Jacques definitely knew that it was indeed his brother bound hand and foot all alone in that dark, cold basement without even a blanket for comfort. He shined the flashlight in Lemony's face to try to get his attention.

Soon Lemony groaned and turned around to be able to see where the light was coming from, and Jacques nearly gasped again at his brother's appearance. Lemony, a usually tidy individual, looked ghastly. He was pale from the lack of comfortable sleep, and his clothing was crumpled and filthy from being on that dirty basement floor. There were bruises and cuts on his arms and face, as well as several spots of blood on his shirt from all the beatings at the hands of the cruel hook-handed man and Count Olaf. His glasses were askew, and through them, Jacques could see that one of Lemony's eyes could barely open.

At first, Lemony thought he was dreaming. That couldn't be his brother at the window; it had to be a trick, maybe from his swollen eye. He shut his eyes and looked again. It was Jacques after all! He didn't have much strength left, but he moved as best he could under the circumstances to show that Jacques had gotten his attention.

A tear rolled down Jacques' face when he saw how pathetic his brother looked, but he quickly brushed it away. He didn't want Lemony to notice, at least not yet. The window was tied shut, but Jacques managed to cut a little hole through the glass. ("Always bring a towel and a glass cutter with you: you never know when you might need 'em!" was one of Jacques' mottos) The hole was just big enough for Jacques to toss a small pair of scissor to Lemony.

"They should be asleep by now," Jacques whispered.

"I'm so glad you're here," Lemony whispered back as he began to saw thgough the ropes on his ankles. "We have to warn the others! Olaf is going to-"

"Tell me later," urged Jacques. "Right now we have to get you out of here!"

Lemony quickly finished cutting the ropes and turned to his brother. "That window is too small for me to go through; I'll have to go upstairs."

"Be careful," Jacques pleaded as Lemony dragged his tired body up the stairs. Lemony went to the top of the stairs and was about to leave the building when he realized that he still didn't have his hat. That was a special gift from Beatrice, and he didn't want to leave it behind. He crept around the ground floor until he spied the hat rack across the hall. As he reached for his hat, he heard voices coming from the room next to him. He remembered what happened the last time he eavesdropped on Olaf and his troupe, so he made sure that he was completely quiet before he focused on listening to the conversation.

"As soon as we dispose of that Snicket," Olaf was saying. "We'll go to that party at the headquarters and finish off the librarian as well as he foolish books. After that, it'll be easy to get rid of that whole organization."

"Won't that be fun?" commented the voice of a woman Lemony didn't recognize.

"We might as well go down to see if the prisoner will talk," Olaf said off-handedly. "Hooky, clean up when I'm done." There was a sound of somebody getting up out of a chair.

Meanwhile, the man with the hooks for hands was whining. "Why must I always clean up the knife? Let one of them do it; at least they have fingers!"

"No way, Fernie!" one of the powder-faced women bickered. "It'll mess up my makeup!"

Lemony heard more people get out of their chairs. He realized what would happen if they went downstairs and found that he wasn't still tied up like they left him. Still shaking with fear, he ran as fast as his bruised and bleeding body could take him and ran outside to his brother. Lemony leaned on Jacques' shoulder and together they stumbled behind a nearby building out of sight.

Jacques saw that his brother's wounds had begun to open up again. Tears sprung up in his eyes. "Don't worry," he whispered. "You'll be okay."

"Don't worry about me," said Lemony feebly. "Just warn..." he paused for breath. "Just warn... Her..." The wounds were just too much for Lemony Snickey as he passed out in his brother's arms.


	19. A Mere Glimpse of Yet to Come

**It's that time again! Responses!**

**Previously Known as NegMeg: Wow... I guess I should update more to make you happy!**

**Visualpurple: Happy endings are for losers! Didn't you know that?**

**BellatrixLestrange9: Hehe... Goldfish sword... whack **

Chapter 19

"Lemony... Lemony..." a soft voice called. Lemony woke up on a makeshift bed with Jacques standing next to him. "I'm so glad you're awake. We were so worried about you."

Lemony glanced around and saw that he was once again in an unfamiliar room. This one, however, looked like a shed, because of its bare and rusty metal walls. There were nearly as many bandages on him as Kit had when she was attacked on her submarine. Next to him was a beeping machine attached to a small dot on his arm that seemed to monitor his heartbeat. The cold fall air leaking through the cracks in the walls was viciously fought by a small space heater placed in the corner of the shack.

"Sorry about the abrupt accomidations," Jacques continued. "It's the closest we could take you to the headquarters without being found. We got one of the nurses to treat your wounds, and the Quagmires and Baudelaires came to make sure you were comfortable. Sarah brought you some flowers, as well as some herbs to help calm you down and help soothe the pain."

Suddenly Lemony remembered about Olaf's plan. Despite the searing pain, he managed to sit up. "Beatrice," was all he managed to say.

At that moment, Kit walked into the shed, and Lemony could see through the doorway that it was already sometime in the afternoon.

"Oh, so finally he's awake," she said, noticing that her brother was awake. "So," she said, turning to Jacques. "His condition has stabilized?"

"Yeah, but we'll have to keep him warm and in bed for a bit longer, but-" Jacques said in a subdued tone to Kit.

Lemony sat up even more, so much that the wires attached to him began to tug. "What about Beatrice? Where is she?" he nearly yelled. "I've got to warn her!" Kit and Jacques turned around, noticing that the monitor was beepin faster than usual.

Kit kneeled next to Lemony and motioned for him to lie down. "Calm down, Lemony," she said. "She's, um... fine."

"Yeah," Jacques interjected. "She's just been a bit busy lately and couldn't get away without being noticed by the volunteers."

"Look, you just rest, okay?" said Kit, ushering Jacques to the door. "We'll be right back!" She gave him an oddly strained smile and stepped outside with Jacques. Even though they slammed the door behind them, the door still stayed open a crack, and Lemony heard them argue as they walked away.

Now, it is often best to leave someone alone when it is obvious that they are hiding something. For example, when the man driving the horse-drawn carrage provided for your escape avoids the subject of his hometown, you may leave the subject for a while because it is obvious that it causes him much pain, and if you make him mad, he might decide to throw you out of the carrage and alert the authorities to your whereabouts. Lemony had a vague suspicion that his siblings were hiding something from him, but since he was so exhausted and in need of medical attention, he tried to just let the question rest until he had recovered.

Later that day, Lemony was dozing off. Earlier, he had consented to let Kit and Sarah put some sleeping medicine powder in his lunch to help him rest better, so he was a bit drowsy and unresponsive. Suddenly, a small draft of cold air blew across his face as someone opened the door and peered into the dark and almost empty shed.

"Hey," the familiar voice whispered. "Jacques? You there?" It was Beatrice. Lemony's eyes opened a bit as she stepped closer and peered at what she thought was Lemony's sleeping form. She stepped to the other side of his head, so she couldn't see his almost open eyes.

"He's asleep," she whispered to herself. Lemony could hear her voice break as she said this, as if she was trying not to cry. "I thought I would never see you again..." She let out a quiet little sob. "If I had only known..." Lemony tried to focus his energy on listening to Beatrice, but that was all she said. He heard her sigh and begin to walk away.

Summing up all his fading strength, he turned his head to be able to see her. Since it was a cold fall day, she was wearing a jacket and some thin gloves. Perhaps it was the cloudiness forming at the edges of his vision due to the medically induced sleep, or maybe it was his imagination. But as his vision began to cloud over, Lemony thought he saw a small bulge under her left glove as she walked out of the shed.

"It must've been a dream," he thought as his mind quietly slipped into darkness.

**_And now, in honor of Thanksgiving, I'll come up with a list of things that I'll be thankful for!_**

**Pen-necklaces for writing quick notes**

**Green notebooks for writing unfortunate stories**

**Music to distract me from the sadness unfolding on this computer screen **

**The idea of the upcoming ASOUE movie in December and my ASOUE video game**

**My friends, who are always there to rescue me from angry mobs and arsonists**

**My sister, who sends me vital secret information which I could not survive without**

**Tofu, a substance which is not only tasty, but also a good medium for carving secret messages in...**

**Finally, my birthday is on the 26th of November! I'm turning 16 the day after thanksgiving! Some years it's right on that holiday, but it's not this year. Happy (hopefully) birthday to me!**


	20. An Unexpected Guest

**REVIEWS!!! YAY!!!**

**Laura V. Bleediote: I'm so honored! Thank you!**

**Visualpurple: Well, then, I'm glad you don't mind. Anyway, the unhappy ending won't be for a while yet!**

**Ophelia Russell: There! I'm updating now!**

**Bellatrix Lestrange9: Yes, I have the game for game boy, but I'm a little stuck right now so if anyone has it and can help me, I'd appreciate it! And when I showed this review to my friend, CC, she said that I didn't have anything for you to chop off with the goldfish sword… She's so mean to me!**

Chapter 20 – An Uninvited Guest

For the next few days, Lemony mainly just rested a bit. His siblings tended to his wounds, and he often had visits from the Baudelaire and Quagmire parents, who distracted him with pleasant conversation. They talked a lot about their kids and gave him wallet-sized photos of them. In one picture was a young girl with a ribbon in her hair standing next to a slightly younger boy with large glasses.

"See?" said Sarah, pointing to the photo. "There's Violet on the left and Klaus on the right. Violet is quite the inventor; she always wears that ribbon when she's thinking of an invention. She recently won an inventing contest!

"Klaus takes after you, Lemony. He loves to read. I think he uses the library more than we do!"

Samantha sat at the other side of Lemony and showed him her small family portrait. "Here," she said. "There's Isadora, our little poet, and our sons Duncan and Quigley. Duncan has recently discovered Journalism and Quigley is now interested in cartography."

Kit then walked in carrying some stuff for their tea and a copy of the latest Volunteer Factual Dispatch. "I thought you'd enjoy a snack and something warm to drink," she said unsteadily as she pushed open the door with her shoulder, nearly dropping everything on the platter. She continued as she set up the impromptu tea party and glanced at the newspaper. "Hey," she commented. "Look at this. This says that the latest volunteer project has been stolen. They were investigating a substance that would fire-proof objects."

"Oh, yeah, I heard about that," said Samantha off-handedly.

"So what exactly was stolen?" Lemony asked, grabbing a tea biscuit off the tray.

"The article says it was some sort of sugar bowl," read Kit.

"Sugar bowl?" That was the last thing Lemony expected.

"Yep," confirmed Kit. "A white sugar bowl with the V.F.D. insignia on it. Apparently it's very valuable to the organization since it's already been fireproofed. "She closed her and asked for some more tea, and with that, the topic of the missing sugar bowl was nearly forgotten.

After a few minutes of pleasant chatting, Lemony asked about Beatrice and if she was coming. Kit looked suddenly nervous and quickly offered Lemony some tea. He took it, but continued to ask about Beatrice. They glanced, somewhat nervously, around the meager shed, which was now furnished with an additional space heater and several more blankets in order to ward off the approaching autumn cold, looking for a way to change the subject. One was found, but it wasn't Lemony who found it.

He cocked his head to one, not unlike a dog, rabbit, or any sort of animal that perks its ears at a sound. "What was that?"

The girls, relieved that they could now change the subject, tried to hear what Lemony was hearing. Samantha heard it first.

"Were those footsteps?" she asked.

"It's too early for Jacques," said Sarah nervously. "And Dorian and Daniel are gone watching the kids."

"But no one should be around here! We made sure that nobody else would be around when Lemony was here!" Kit ran over to the wall and pressed her ear against it. Sarah joined her.

"Well," Sarah announced. "Someone's definitely coming this way." They looked around at each other, searching for a way to stay undiscovered. But it was too late. Soon a young woman walked into the shed.

She was dressed in a ridiculous dress with different colorful layers. Many of the layers did not go together, and the rhinestones that were placed sporadically on her dress and huge earrings made her look garish. This strange woman was an acquaintance of Kit's, and Kit knew who the woman was even before she saw her face.

"Hi Esme," she murmured resignedly.

"What are you doing here?" Sarah almost yelled.

Esme's expression had turned from complete surprise to a grin that a child would wear after discovering money on the sidewalk. She spoke up in an almost haughty tone. "So, Kit, is this your brother? I thought he'd be in jail by now."

Lemony just stared up at her, at a loss of what to say. Sarah and Samantha, however, had plenty to say to that uninvited guest. "You're not supposed to be here!" exclaimed Samantha. Sarah continued, saying, "You have to leave!" It was obvious that they were panicking.

Esme let out a sigh that was as fake as the giant ruby on her ring. "I guess I should leave," she said with a smile. "After all, I have some friends who'd LOVE to hear about this." She glanced once more around the shed ad spied the tea tray. "Ohh!" she exclaimed. "A tea party! How in!"

Lemony realized that as soon as Esme left, she would tell people about his hideout. He had nearly recovered, but he knew he wouldn't be able to outrun all the volunteers who would pursue him once Esme left, so he decided to try and stall.

"Join us, Esme," he said as he feebly sat up and gave his friends a purposeful look to let them know that he was only stalling. "We have plenty of tea for you."

Esme, ignoring the fact that she was being very impolite, sat down on one of the meager cushions and snatched a teacup. Without even a thank-you, she grabbed a biscuit and began munching on it. She started talking with her mouth full, which is also very rude.

"Not bad," she muttered, spraying a few crumbs from her mouth.

Kit, feigning politeness, offered her some tea. Esme snatched the tea from her and Lemony noticed that Sarah had put some sort of a powder in Esme's teacup. Lemony had recognized it, since it had been used to help him sleep before but Esme either didn't see it, or she mistook it for sugar. Despite all my research, I still do not know if she noticed the whitish powder in her drink, but it doesn't really matter because, as you will soon see, she didn't drink the tea.

"Yuck!" Esme yelled as she spit out the tea.

Sarah and Kit looked at each other and asked Esme what was the matter. They couldn't tell if she had swallowed any of her tea.

"It's so bitter," she complained, fishing around in her purse. "I need some sugar,"

"Here." Kit offered her their small sugar bowl, but Esme ignored her and continued to look through her large purse. She mumbled a bit and eventually smiled and pulled something triumphantly out of her purse and slam it on the table.

"This is so much better than that terrible unfashionable bowl of yours," she declared and moved her hand, which was covered in ugly and colorful rings, uncovering something completely unexpected.

When something unexpected happens is the tendency of people to have one of two reactions. When something like that happens, many things spring to mind so fast that people don't know how to react. Some try to blurt out everything that comes to mind at the same time, which often does not make any sense. Some other people are simply overcome with all the thoughts and questions that they don't know what to say. Both of these reactions were used by the friends when they saw Esme raise her hand from the table and uncover the missing sugar bowl.

** :at this point, my friend Sarah intercepted my notebook and, only reading the sentence before it, wrote the following to complete the sentence: "was still quite ill, so he threw up on the carpet after eating some more catnip and curled up in a ball and died." It was really funny!**

**Yesterday was my birthday!!!!!!!! I'm sixteen! Yee-haw!!!**


	21. Gone Without Even A Pumpkin

**Time to RESPOND!!!**

**Ophelia Russell: I hope you like the rest of her personality, then. I was a bit nervous about doing Esme, to tell you the truth.**

**Bellatrix Lestrange9: Hehe… You'll see soon enough! I'm glad you caught on to that! That'll be in the next chapter**!

Chapter 21- Gone Without a Pumpkin

The two different types of reactions to unexpected news, as I said before, were soon used by the friends as Esme unveiled the surprise. Sarah simply stood there, stunned, as the action unfolded. Samantha and Kit, however, had no loss of words to say, and that soon became a problem.

"What are you…" Samantha began.

"Why on earth…" Kit interrupted. All those words were getting in the way. But that didn't stop everybody in the small shed from staring in complete surprise.

Esme noticed the stares that her bowl was attracting and started beaming with pride. "Like it?" she asked hurriedly. "I just found it in one of those ugly laboratories and thought it would look better at one of my tea parties."

Lemony, like Sarah, had also been at a loss of what to say. Now, however, he got over his initial shock and was back in his rational mindset. Still lying on his cot, he propped himself up so he was sitting up a little bit more and addressed Esme. "What are you doing with that?" he asked her.

"Getting two lumps, silly!" Esme said. "I'm sure this'll make this horrible tea taste bearable."

"Esme, please," he said softly. "You have to give it back to the volunteers."

Esme stuck her tongue out at him, a very rude thing to do to the person hosting a tea party.

"This sugar bowl is very important to the volunteers," Lemony continued. "They need it back."

"Then let them get another one. There are lots more sugar bowls around!"

"This one was special, though."

"Then all the more reason for me to keep it!" Esme yelled triumphantly. "Those unfashionable volunteers don't appreciate something like this!"

"Give it back, Esme!" Kit yelled as she stood up. "This is too important to the organization!"

Esme had an indignant look on her face, but Samantha chimed in. "It isn't yours, Esme. You should really give it back."

"Finders keepers," taunted Esme.

The audacity of Esme's reply finally made Kit snap. "You're part of this organization!" she yelled. "You can't be this selfish!"

Esme grew angry, put the bowl back into her bag with a huff, and walked towards the door. "Well, maybe I don't want to be a part of it anymore! If it won't let me be as in as I want, then maybe I'll leave. Then I'll keep it from ever being in ever again!" And with that, she stormed out of the shed, nearly falling over her ridiculous dress.

Kit was still upset, but Sarah, always cautious, spoke up. "She won't leave without going to the ball first. We could catch her there, and expose that she is as mean as she is obsessed with fashion."

"We still have to make sure she doesn't tell anybody about Lemony," Kit commented. "We'll keep an eye on her until then." She then turned to her older brother. "Stay here until Jacques gets here, okay? We need to know where you are while we're gone."

"The masked ball is tonight?" Lemony asked.

"Yes," Kit said as she grabbed her coat. "But you can't come. Nobody can be able to see you. If they do, your cover will be blown and you'll be back on the run again! Just stay here tonight." She pulled the covers back over his shoulders, her obvious concern plainly visible on her face.

"Don't worry about me," he replied.

"I'm already worried, Lemony. Be careful," Kit said as she walked out the door and into the fading light of that cool fall night.

What Lemony Snicket did next has been called many different things. Some have called it foolish, disastrous, and foolhardy, but as I stand here in this abandoned coffee shop typing out this woeful tale, I can only think of one word to describe what Lemony did after Kit Snicket, Samantha Quagmire, and Sarah Baudelaire's footsteps faded away. As he stood up from his be and grabbed his brother's disguise kit from the corner of the shed, only one word comes to my mind. As he left the shed in the most daring costume of his life, "brave" is the only word that comes to my mind.

**I hope you'll like the next chapter! (Hint: What's up with Beatrice?) Hmmmm….**

**Don't hit me with your goldfish swords!!! Cowers….**


	22. The Ball, Part One

**Review Response Time:**

**Visualpurple: I'm glad you like the sugar bowl theory. That was the only way I could imagine that EVERYONE would want that sugar bowl.**

**Ophelia Russel: Boy, everybody wants to hear the masked ball scene, huh? That makes me worried that I'll disappoint all of you.**

**Bellatrix Lestrange9: No breaking the Esme! I hope your friends like this story. **

**Sun Lite Smiles: Well, as you'll see in this chapter, as well as the next, Esme has been malicious the whole time.**

**I found my notebook, so I'm going to re-rewrite the chapter as it was originally meant to be!**

Chapter 22 – The Ball – Part One (take 2)

The great ballroom had been transformed into a beautiful, glimmering jewelry boz not even three hours since, but now people in glittering costumes and decorated masks were congregating in clumps around the punch tables and waiters with plates of snacks. Several brave souls were being the first to dance as the people at the tables watched with a kind of admiration and respect specially reserved for those who break the ice at parties.

Soon the first song ended and more couples began to slowly drift onto the dance floor and tentatively dance to the slow tune. One woman, however, was still lingering in the shadows, putting the finishing touches on some streamers that she was hanging up in the corner. A man walked up to her dressed as a snowman and lifted his hand to take hers. Together they walked out onto the dance floor.

She was dressed as a dragonfly, and her costume was fantastic. Her dress was light green and flowed in a way that made her look as if she was floating across the dance floor. Strapped to her back was a set of silvery wings. Her hair was both brown and blond and was tied up in a long, loose braid, and a green mask with a silver edge was cleverly attached to her glasses. She looked so stunning that many couples stopped dancing just so they could watch her. If she hadn't been so busy looking at the floor in embarrassment, she would've noticed one man dressed as a bullfighter who was leaning against a wall and watching her rather intently.

The song stopped and the dancers soon turned to look at a platform on which stood several frightened-looking young men and women. Usually, this was her favorite part of the ball, but the woman didn't feel like watching the initiation, so instead she walked out onto the empty balcony.

She looked around at the balcony as her mind wandered into the memories of years past. A tear rolled down her cheek and she gazed up at the stars. This balcony held special meaning to her from a time she feared would never come again.

A voice whispered in her ear. "Beatrice."

At the sound of her name, the woman took off her glasses so she could wipe her tears away. As she put her glasses back on, a person that she never thought she would see again came into focus. Standing before her was a very familiar man dressed as a bullfighter.

They stared at each other for an eternity of a minute, each seeming equally surprised. Eventually the man spoke first.

"I was so worried about you, Beatrice," he said, grabbing her hand gently. "Why didn't you visit me?"

"I just couldn't," Beatrice replied as fresh tears sprung to her eyes. She sat down at the railing of the balcony, turned away from him and began to sob quietly. "Oh, Lemony, I'm so sorry!"

The man, Lemony Snicket, put his hand on her shoulder in comfort. "What do you have to be sorry about?" he asked her softly. She continued to sob with her beautiful face buried in her arms. Her gloves were growing increasingly moist with the tears. He tried again to learn the source of her troubles. "What's wrong?" he finally asked.

She continued crying for a minute longer and then mumbled something that Lemony could scarcely hear. "What is it?" he asked again.

"Lemony," she said. "I'm engaged!" With that, she continued sobbing into her arms. "I didn't really want to, but I had to do it."

Lemony just stood there, stunned, as Beatrice continued. "They knew I loved you, and I still do, but they pressured me for so long, especially Peter. Whenever you were gone investigating fires, he would come to the library and talk to me. He was always nice to me, Lemony, and he was a good friend during your absences. People started telling me that I should just forget you and marry him, but I waited for you. But then you got in trouble and Esme pressured me to accept his proposal. She told me you were dead, so I had to accept.

"But then Jacques brought you here and I found out that you were actually alive. But if I broke up the engagement, the volunteers and Esme would know that I had found you and you would be caught. I didn't want you to be hurt because of me."

Lemony knelt down next to Beatrice and gently removed her mask and wiped away her tears. He handed her his handkerchief, and she promptly wiped off her eyes and looked at him apologetically. She opened her mouth to say something, but he stopped her and put his finger over her lips. Seeing that more tears were beginning to form at the sides of her eyes, he told her, "Don't speak of it any more."

In the ballroom, the other guests clapped as the initiation ceremony ended and a new song began to play. Lemony walked over and closed the curtained glass doors so they could just hear the sweet melody wafting in.

As he walked back over to her, he noticed her shiver and pull her thin shall tighter around her shoulders. He took off his bullfighter's cape and gently draped it over her shoulders. She gave him a grateful look and a weak smile.

He knelt next to her and looked deep into her eyes. All the tears had reddened the eyelids, but her blue eyes looked deep and beautiful. He put his hand on her knee and gently took her hand. Even with her red nose, puffy eyes, and tear-stained cheeks, she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He raised up her hand and kissed it gently.

"Beatrice Tyler," he asked. "May I have this dance?"

**Wow. Twenty-two chapters! It just seems like yesterday that the Snicket siblings were in the moving room full of armchairs awaiting their fate at VFD… And now I'm on my second notebook and over 127 handwritten pages (not typed, I mean). How time does fly!**

**I had been in anguish because, back in chapter 5, I said that Beatrice was wearing both glasses and a mask. Ever since then, I've been wondering how she did it. This chapter is my way of redeeming myself. **

**I hope you like this original version of the story. Sorry for making you wait and read bad versions. It'll all be good from now on, I assure you!**


	23. The Ball, Part Two

**REVIEW RESPONSES!!!**

**Visualpurple: I'm glad you like it!**

**Rock Sunner: Then I guess this chapter is just what the doctor ordered!**

**Ophelia Russel: Well, thank you, but I found my notebook. If you haven't seen that, then I'd advise you to read the prior chapter again, as I changed it when I found my notebook.**

**Bellatrix Lestrange9: Cool! I used to play flute a long time ago. My mom is a flute teacher! I hope your concert went well! **

Chapter 23 – The Ball, Part 2

She smiled at him and soon they were dancing to the slow beat of the music. As she danced in the warmth and safety of his arms, she felt like there was something she needed to tell him. "Lemony," she said. "You know I love you, right?" Lemony nodded and Beatrice continued. "I don't want to marry Paul." They danced in silence for a minute before Lemony finally spoke.

"You could go with me," he said quietly.

"Where?"

"Anywhere you want," he replied. "I still have a few friends in the organization. The duchess has offered to get me out of the country until it's safe to come back. We could go to America; I know of a friendly operative in Missouri who could help us. Or we could go to Australia. Wherever you want is fine with me. I just don't want to lose you again."

"Nor do I, Lemony," Beatrice whispered. "I just don't know if I can get away. I don't want to be a burden or a risk."

"It's not. I'd risk anything to be with you."

"But I could never risk any harm to you. If I did, I don't know wha-"

Just then the door was slowly pushed open a crack, just wide enough for Esme's masked face to peer inside. Her eyes opened wider in surprise in surprise and delight, she smiled, and, before the two could react, ducked her head back inside.

"Beatrice, she's going to get me caught. I have to go," he said hurriedly. "If you decide to come with me, then meet me at the shed before sunrise. We'll leave as soon as you come. Please come." He opened the door and saw many guards dressed as scorpions pulling apart pairs of dancers, no doubt looking for him. He started to leave the balcony, but then he remembered something he needed to say to her. "If I don't see you again, let me just warn you about something."

Beatrice gave him a shaky smile. "You'll see me again. Don't worry." She gave him a quick kiss and tried to hand him back his cape. "Keep it," he managed to tell her before three men dressed as scorpions burst onto the balcony and began to drag him away.

By now, many people had noticed what was going on and were crowding around Lemony and the guards in curiosity. As the crowd began to hide him from Beatrice's view, Lemony remembered that there was something urgent that he had to tell her.

"Beatrice," he yelled, "Olaf is going to-" but he had to stop as one of the costumed gloves covered his mouth. He saw that Beatrice was becoming increasingly harder to see, so he shook his head free for a second so he could tell her one more thing. "Wait for me!"

For years afterwards, Lemony Snicket would regret that he hadn't used that opportunity to finish warning Beatrice about Olaf, but at the time, it seemed like the perfect thing to say.

That last line certainly served its purpose, however. It reassured Beatrice, who, noticing the stares of the startled guests, only gave a confident smile and pulled the cape closer to her shoulders as she walked proudly from the balcony to the ballroom.

**Before you ask, I'll clear something up. Even though the books haven't said anything as to the country where it takes place, I wanted it to be in England. I like England better than the US anyway.**


	24. A Very Unfortunate Christmas Present

**Review responses!!!!**

**Seriously Obvious the Alien- Well, thanks! I hope this is soon enough!**

**Ophelia Russel- Is this unfortunate enough for you?**

**Blue Acorn- Wow. A little heavy on the reviews, ne?**

**Rock Sunner – Maybe I should read your version sometime!**

**Bellatrix – Yes I found it, don't worry.**

Chapter 24 – A Very Unfortunate Christmas Present to You

Now the ballroom was long empty, since all the guets had left to go to sleep. If you had been outside the headquarters that fateful night, you would've seen that only a handful of lights were still on, one of which was in the small bedroom adjoining the library. Inside was the librarian, Beatrice, who had just changed out of her extravagant – a word which here means "stunningly beautiful" – costume. What made her different from all the other people who had attended the ball was the fact that she wasn't change her clothes to get ready for a long night's sleep.

She was dressed in some long pants with a warm jacket, a buttoned up flannel shirt, and some sturdy boots. She didn't know what the future would bring, so she dressed ready for any unfortunate circumstances that could come her way.

Her right gloved hand drummed nervously on her desk as her left was writing a letter to a man who she had to inform of an important decision. After a minute, she put the paper in an envelope, wrote a name on it, and slipped it into a drawer next to another envelope, which she took out and studied for a minute. This envelope was much thicker than the other one, and must've contained at least a hundred pages.

She gave a relieved smile as she put it back in the drawer. "At least I won't have to tell him this any more," she muttered to herself as she threw it back into the drawer. That envelope had the name of a man who was very dear to her on the back.

She grabbed her coat and a small suitcase that was next to her chair and turned out her small desk lamp. But just as she was about to walk out of the room, a tall, thin figure emerged out of the shadows to block the doorway.

"Who are you?" Beatrice asked. She didn't recognize this man, but she had a vague feeling that she somehow knew about him. He took a step closer to her without saying a word.

"If you need help finding a book, it'll just have to wait," she said, hoping that the mysterious man only wanted a book. Clutching her small suitcase nervously, she tried to walk around the figure, but he just kept walking in front of her. She was now close enough to see his shiny, grinning eyes.

Suddenly she caught her breath in fear. _Those eyes…_ Something about those eyes was familiar to her. _It couldn't be him. It just couldn't…_ Her eyes widened as Beatrice realized who this must be.

"Olaf?" she murmured more to herself than the man in front of her.

The man lit a match, illuminating his drawn face. "The file," he said with a grin, "will be destroyed with it's creators. Tonight, the file and the one who keeps it will be lost in a terrible accident. And, thanks to you, that nosy Snicket will soon be out of the picture as well."

She tried to yell for help, but the words seemed to get stuck in her throat. Olaf grinned as he saw her eyes search the room.

"There's no escape, dear," Olaf said cheerfully. He walked over to the slightly open door and took a strange object from a familiar, manicured hand.

"Here you are, Olaf," came the voice of Esme from behind the door.

"Thank you, darling," Olaf replied. He turned to face Beatrice as he placed the object on the floor nearby the door. "It was nice talking to you," he said as he left, shutting the door behind him.

Beatrice ran to the door, but it was too late; Olaf had already locked it. As she pulled on the door handle in vein, she heard Olaf's faint voice through the door. "I'm sick of giving the Snicket all the credit; I want it this time!"

"That's okay," said Esme's voice. "Arson is in this year!"

Beatrice knew there was no escape, and she was absolutely right. She managed to scream the name "Lemony" once more in fear and hope.

And before she knew what was happening, the room burst into flames.


	25. The Dreadful News

**Review Response Time, Y'all!**

**Ophelia Russel: I'm really glad you like that one. I tried to make it seem more artistic, vague, and distant.**

**Visual Purple: Any time! It was a good story!**

**C-C Krystal: I love evil Olaf! And I just can't keep him away!!!**

**Bellatrix Lestrange9: Yep. Read this chappie. Poor Lemony. It breaks my heart to write this down, but I know it's inevitable, a word which here means "something that'll happen no matter how long I try to put it off" **

Chapter 25 – The Dreadful News

Looking mournfully at the first rays of light, Lemony Snicket could not wait any longer. The boat was waiting for him, after all, and they had to leave now or never. He sighed and stepped onto the ship. _She must not've loved me enough._ After he boarded the ship, he leaned against the railing, looking into the dark water, wondering what his future would be like without his love.

He looked up and saw his brother rushing to catch the ship. Lemony wasn't surprised; he had suspected that they would send somebody to escort him to his destination, wherever that was. He stared into the murky water once again. _Maybe it'll be New York,_ he thought to himself, trying to make his sad soul hopeful again. _They have a lot of publishers there; maybe I can make it as an author._

He remembered how Beatrice had always liked his writing and stared even deeper into the water. A single tear ran down his cheek. _Why didn't she come with me?_

The boat soon began to move and Lemony heard his brother run up behind him. He was breathing heavily; obviously he had been running for a great distance.

"She couldn't make it?" Jacques asked once he had caught his breath.

"No," Lemony murmured, not even bothering to turn around. His voice was so faint and sad that Jacques hesitated to speak again.

"Do you know why she couldn't make it?" Jacques asked hesitantly.

"She must not have loved me after all."

"Well, actually…"

"Please Jacques," begged Lemony quietly. "I don't want to talk about it."

"But, Lemony…"

"Stop it!" Lemony yelled as he turned to face his brother. "She just didn't choose me, okay? Just leave me alone!" More tears began to flow down his cheeks and he turned around and gazed back at the water in anger and frustration.

"Look, Lemony," said Jacques after a few second's pause. "I have to tell you something." Lemony said nothing, so Jacques continued. "She might not've been able to go with you."

"What do you mean?" asked Lemony bitterly.

"There was a fire at the headquarters. It was terrible; could've burned down the whole building." Lemony didn't say anything or turn around as he listened to his brother's words, but his thoughts began to dread what Jacques would say next.

"The fire started in the library, Lemony. There was no way anyone could've escaped."

Lemony was too stunned to reply. The water no longer seemed calm and comforting; it now looked like a watery grave.


	26. Romeo's Exile

**AS I SIT HERE LISTENING TO THE ASOUE SOUNDTRACK: IT'S RESPONSE TIME!**

**Aurora BlackRose – Heh. Why do I need to write any more? You already wrote the whole book for me! Poor duck… Put the duck down, and I'll update. **

**Ophelia Russel – Oh, you like it? I'm glad. Poor Jacques. I'd die if I ever had to tell that to my sister or any of my friends. **

**Visual Purple – eep. Right away ma'am.**

**Bellatrix Lestrange9 - pats shoulder There, there… He had to find out sometime.**

**Crystal-Clear Krystal – Yup, trouble, and more of it is coming in the next chapter after this one, just you see!**

Chapter 26: Romeo's Exile, Benvolio's Initiative?

Despite his brother's comforting words, Lemony was inconsolable. He stayed in his cabin all day, didn't eat his meals, and wouldn't talk to anybody. All that was going through his head was why she died and what, if anything, he could've done to save her. And no matter how hard he tried to drive it from his mind, the dreadful question kept coming back. _Did she really love me?_

Jacques was also sad, not only for the pain his brother was going through, but also for the loss of his good friend. He was still awaiting news from Kit and Samantha on the condition of the file. It had indeed been hidden in the library, but was thankfully in a safe that they were confident was fire proof. However, the file was far from his thoughts. Instead, he thought mostly about Lemony.

Every day, he went by Lemony's cabin to try to get him to talk to him or even eat a meal, but every day on that long Atlantic passage aboard the Prospero, he would end up giving up and leaving the tray of hot food in the cabin, and every day, he would come back to check on his brother, only to find that just a few bites of the long cold food was gone.

Luckily, by the time the ship reached American soil and the two brothers snuck into New York City by way of fake ID's, Lemony had cheered up considerably. Granted, he was still listless and depressed, but at least he could hold a conversation and eat a decent meal with his brother. The seemingly endless land of rickety cars and a few horse-drawn carriages, it seemed to Jacques, was the perfect cure for Lemony's depression.

Lemony also thought that New York was the perfect place for him, as well as the new reclusive spirit that had emerged in him since Beatrice's death. Jacques and their friend, the Dutchess of Winnipeg, had arranged for him to spend his exile in a small one-room apartment in one of the less crowded parts of town. It was rather shabby, but it felt like home nonetheless. He would be able to walk the crowded streets completely unnoticed and spend hours sitting quietly and writing in his favorite café. He would often think long and hard there, pining away for his lost love and wondering what, if anything, he could do to make sure that Olaf never did anything like that again.

But he felt so helpless and useless; so far away from his country and VFD. He was not allowed to communicate with his friends or siblings, except by carrier pigeon, which made him feel almost completely alienated and unwanted.

Back at VFD, however, Lemony was far from unwanted. Although he was still in exile and wanted for arson, rumors began spreading through the organization like wildfire, and now Olaf was finally under suspicion for starting all the fires, even though he was long gone by then. Many people knew about Beatrice and Lemony's budding romance. _Why on earth,_ they wondered, _would Lemony want to kill his love?_

The Baudelaire and Quagmire parents, as well as Kit Snicket, now could no longer get a moment to themselves, because it always seemed like they were always being watched by members desperate to find evidence to prove Lemony's innocence or guilt. Sometimes they would be able to get alone together on one of Kit's submarines or on the slopes of Mount Fraught. Their children were getting older, so they were no longer able to meet without them becoming suspicious, especially Duncan and Klaus. It would be hard to get anything by them, since Klaus, who was becoming one of the most proficient child researchers in the world, seemed to notice everything, even the secret books in the Baudelaire library. Because of him, Dorian and Sarah had to move those books in different shelves every week, so he wouldn't find the VFD handbook. Duncan, as well, seemed to always be in the library and finding out more and more about his parents. One false step, one wrong word, would no doubt expose Daniel and Samantha to the budding young reporter.

But at those few brief meetings, they realized that even if the organization realized that it was indeed Olaf who set all the fires, it would take them too long to do anything about it. All of them missed Lemony and wanted to save him and his reputation.

They had to bring Olaf to justice, even if it meant doing it themselves.

**Okay, you puppets! Listen up! From now on, I shall be informing you of the progress of the next chapter on my author page thingy. I'll be telling you by means of page numbers, k? I'll write on there how many pages are done, so you can see how busy I've been! In my notebook, this chapter was about 4 pages, and that's the average length. So you'll see a note of how many pages I've done so far. **


	27. Three down, or is it five?

**Review Responses to all my loyal readers (wow! I have loyal readers?! I never thought I'd have any of those when I started!) **

**Visualpurple: Ha! You wish!**

**Ophelia Russel: Well, I think she's dead, but there's always a possibility, isn't there? I'm always trying to be careful to keep my characters "in character". That has been hard at times, but now that the numbers are… decreasing, let's say, It is easier to keep track now.**

**Aurora Black Rose: Right on the mark! Read this chapter anyway, okay? **

**C-C Krystal: Do you mind me using that nickname? I'm too lazy to type your entire name… ANYWAY… Well, as you'll see, they might not get the chance. Remember that they never told Lemony about any of this. What will this event have on poor Lemony's life?**

Chapter 27: Five down… Or is it three?

"Fine… okay…" Mrs. Sarah Baudelaire was on the phone speaking quietly just in case Violet, Klaus, or even little Sunny overheard her conversation with Samantha Quagmire. It wasn't just that she couldn't let them know about her secrets and VFD, at least not yet; she also didn't want them to be worried about her.

The footsteps in the hallway grew louder, so she removed her anxious look and replaced it with one of artificial cheerfulness just as her three children ran happily into view. She handed the eldest, Violet, a small towel while she pressed the phone receiver to her chest. "Violet, take a pound or two from the jar on the table for the trolley and take this towel, just in case Klaus falls into the water again this time," she instructed hurriedly.

"Who's on the phone, mother?" asked Klaus, staring at the muffled phone receiver.

"Oh, this?" Mrs. Baudelaire. "It's just my friend from work. It's about the… uh… business trip we're going on with your father."

"Worer?" asked little Sunny, who, as a baby, was still trying to talk in a manner people could understand. By this, she probably meant, "Where are you going?", but Mrs. Baudelaire only lovingly patted her youngest daughter's head and continued giving Violet hurried instructions.

"The trolley leaves in five minutes, so you had better hurry." She handed Violet three more objects. "Here's a magnifying glass for Klaus if he wants to look at the tide pools, another ribbon for your hair, just in case yours blows away again, okay, Violet?" Violet nodded again as her mother pointed to the last object in her hand: a small ceramic cube.

"Make sure to give this to Sunny to bite. I know she likes to bite the driftwood at the beach, but it just isn't hygienic. Your father and I will probably be gone by the time you get back, so Violet's in charge until the babysitter gets here.

A gut feeling is an expression used to describe something, like a hunch, that someone feels without necessarily having concrete evidence to support it. These vague suspicions have a tendency to gnaw at somebody, despite their attempts to push it aside. Both Violet and Sunny felt that their mother was rather nervous, but they thought it was just about the business trip she had mentioned earlier. Klaus, however, had a gut feeling that something else was behind it. But he shrugged it off, and gave his mother a quick hug before following his sisters out the door.

"I'll see you in a bit, Samantha," Sarah said, once again picking up the phone.

"Okay," the crackly voice of Mrs. Quagmire replied, as Sarah hung up the phone and walked back to the living room where her husband, Dorian, was finishing packing their luggage.

"I hate lying to them, Dorian," Sarah said.

Dorian sighed and walked up behind Sarah and lovingly put his hands on her shoulders. "It's too dangerous for them to know about VFD. More people are leaving the organization and joining Olaf. Arson is rising and there are fewer of us around to help fight the fires. Now they're beginning to kill the rest of us off. By telling the children, we might put them in danger."

"But it still makes me feel dishonest," replied Sarah uneasily.

Dorian reassuringly gave her a hug. "Don't worry," he whispered in her ear. "As soon as we stop Olaf and help Lemony, we'll tell them everything." He continued hugging her for a minute more until Sarah cocked her head.

Dorian noticed his wife's sudden alertness and asked her, "What is it? Is Kit here to pick us up?" He soon noticed a slow, hissing sound coming from one of the doors to the outside.

"What is that?" murmured Sarah Baudelaire almost to herself, but soon they both had a gut feeling about what it was, even though they were afraid to say it out loud.

"Sleeping gas," said Dorian, as he began to already feel the effects of the powerful gas. His legs seemed to turn to lead, and although he tried to fight it, he sank to the floor. He looked to his wife, who was already on the floor, as helpless as he was. Poor Sarah looked back at him as the room around her began to spin. Her thoughts were turning thick, like wading in caramel. She had a gut feeling that Olaf was somehow behind this, but she wondered how Olaf knew that they were about to hunt him down themselves.

Her last conscious thought that came to her slowly fading mind was a fleeting hope that Violet would take care of her brother and sister. The last thing that came to her senses was, to her horror, the growing smell of smoke.

**A/N: I've been running around school and my house yelling, "I like killing characters! I am GOD!!!!" I think my friends are scared of me now… **


	28. The Lousy Letter

**Review Responses**

**Bellatrix: Because he can, I guess.**

**PearlGirl: I'm continuing. Don't worry.**

**Aroura: I guess that's just your bad luck.**

**Princess Mia: I felt that I needed a prequel myself when I started this.**

**Fantomfairy: As you'll see, he feels pretty bad about now.**

**Visualpurple: Oops. Sorry I made you wait so long, then! I hope you remembered to eat!**

**CC-Krystal: Thanx! Olaf is a meanie, ne?**

Chapter 28 – The Lousy Letter

Lemony Snicket received the news of the deaths of his friends one cloudy afternoon after he had come back from his favorite café. He had been spending much time there since the middle of the previous week after meeting a new friend, Daniel Handler.

Since his arrival in New York, Lemony had been living a boring life, devoid of any joy. Before he left to go back to England, Jacques had made Lemony promise to go outside every once in a while. Therefore, Lemony began to make his daily pilgrimage to that small, dark establishment faithfully until he was considered one of their regular customers.

Mr. Handler also frequented that same café and had eventually noticed Lemony sitting alone in the corner booth day after day, so he began sitting next to him and talking to him. Lemony took a leap of faith and decided that this man could be trusted, and thus a refreshing friendship was born. The two authors and researchers had many interesting conversations, and finally Lemony had someone who he could tell about his sadness over Beatrice's death.

On this cloudy day, his heart felt a little bit lighter as he walked back to his apartment. He was still sad about Beatrice's death and the separation from his friends, but he now looked forward to a letter from Dorian or Daniel. _I hope they aren't worrying too much about me._

On reaching his apartment, Lemony took out his typewriter and sat by an open window to enjoy a fresh, cool breeze while he wrote. Scarcely as he began to type, a team of carrier pigeons arrived on his windowsill carrying a message and a small package. After opening the fairly dirty envelope, he untied the package from the birds' legs and shooed the pigeons away.

_Dear Brother_

_I'm sorry to tell you this, but there have been terrible fires at the Baudelaire and Quagmire mansions. Both were burned to the ground. Kit arrived at the Baudelaire mansion shortly after the blaze was set, but it was too late for her too help. All four of them were working together to clear your name, but the other side of the schism must've found out about their plans. I'm sorry; Dorian, Sarah, Samantha, and Daniel are dead._

Lemony dropped the letter. At this point, it felt like Lemony's heart would stop. After that small bit of hope from meeting a new friend, everything was crushed. Dorian was his best friend, and he had known Daniel since his arrival at VFD. He had been at each of their weddings and they had all been through a lot together. It seemed like a piece of his heart was suddenly gone, but he forced himself to pick up the letter again and read on.

_Fortunately, the three Baudelaire children are still alive, since they were at Briny Beach at the time of the fire. Isadora and Duncan Quagmire are apparently still alive and well, but Quigley is reported dead. No remains have been found, which leads me to belive that he might not be dead after all, but I don't know where he could be._

_Dear brother, I wish I could be here to comfort you in person, but I can't. After this, VFD is in chaos and I have to do whatever research I can to help. I shall also make sure Olaf doesn't hurt the surviving Quagmire triplets. The Baudelaires should be fine; I heard that they're going to stay with some relative somewhere._

_Whatever you do, be careful, Lemony. There is too much danger back here, and I can't be around to protect you, and until all the fires have been extinguished, we must go our separate ways and risk our separate lives. But I couldn't bear it if you got hurt. All Kit and I have left is you now._

With tears in his eyes, Lemony put the letter down. First, his only love, and then all four of his best friends… Dead. All of them were kind and well-read, and now they had all been killed by terrible fires. Jacques was right; all Lemony had left was his siblings.

But suddenly a horrible thought came to him. Back near the beginning of the letter, Jacques had said that the Baudelaires and the Quagmires had died because they were trying to clear Lemony's name. Now they were dead and he was safe in an apartment in New York City. Their children were now orphans reeling from the tremendous loss of their parents' death and the loss of all their cherished possessions. One of the children might have even died as well.

And it was all because of him.

Of all the terrible facts that Lemony had learned from that letter, this was the worst.

**A/N: Were you worried about me? Jeez, I was just at all-state band! Luckily, it gave me lotsa time to write in the fanfic notebook, so you'll get the next chapter sooner. PS: I hope you know who Daniel Handler REALLY is. He's a real person y'know.**


	29. Reminiscing about a Lost Love

**Review Responses!**

**Visualpurple: You'll see, he'll soon realize that it wasn't "just a relative". For some reason, Jacques was really concerned about Quigley and the others. I want Mr. Handler to tie in somewhere. And yes, dying sux…**

**C-C Krystal: Yes, indeed. Poor Lemony. Things will never be the same again.**

**Aroura Blackrose: Well, getting grounded isn't good! Is your grounding over yet?**

Chapter 29 – Reminiscing About a Lost Love

Lemony had to leave New York. He didn't know how he would do this, but by hook or by crook, he would make it back to England.

Before going back to the docks, however, he dropped by the café for the last time. As usual, Daniel Handler was sitting in the corner booth, waving at him. Mr. Handler, a perceptive man, knew that there was something wrong with his new friend as soon as he sat down. After ordering Lemony a drink, he made him explain what was going on.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Daniel asked, after he heard Lemony explain his situation. His voice was full of concern.

"Sorry," replied Lemony. "These unfortunate events seem to follow me wherever I go, and I can't, in good conscience, get you involved."

"Please, Lemony," Daniel begged. "Isn't there anything I could do?"

Lemony stood up and turned away. "I don't want you to get hurt like the others." He paused for a second and added one more thing. "I'll let you know if anything happens to me while I'm gone, but I have to go now. The ship I'm leaving on is notorious for leaving at odd hours."

As Lemony left, Daniel noticed a small tear running down Lemony's face. As his friend walked away, Daniel called out, "Be careful," but by then, Lemony Snicket had already walked out the door.

Luckily for Lemony, the ship he would travel in, the Prospero, was still friendly and had waited for him to arrive. As soon as he got on board, he was ushered to his cabin by a friendly sailor who gave him hurried instructions on the way.

"Did'ja know we're the only big ship left in VFD?" he asked Lemony as they walked. "All the others've sunk or disappeared. You've been gone for a while, but during your absence, the organization has really gone to the dogs, if 'ya know what I mean." Seeing Lemony gazing off into the distance, he continued. "While you're here, though, just remember: even if someone has the eye on their ankle, it doesn't mean they're a friend."

After a second of silence, the sailor sensed that this was a touchy subject and decided to talk about something else that he had been discussing with the other volunteers shortly before Lemony's arrival. "Y'know," he remarked hesitantly, "We were talkin' earlier… 'bout your friends, that is… and we were wonderin' where those Baudelaire kids are going. Lots of people are going t'be after those kids, since their parent's are gonna be leavin' them a big fortune and all. Who is this relative that they're going to be staying with?"

For this, Lemony was surprised to realize that he didn't have an answer. Upon entering the small, cramped cabin that he had stayed in on his previous crossing, he took out his letter from Jacques and saw that even his brother didn't know the Baudelaires' location, and decided to make sure Dorian and Sarah's children were safe as soon as he could.

After a few days of sailing over the Atlantic with the crew of brave volunteers, Lemony had a chance to see his old home, the VFD headquarters, once again. Although he was hidden so that the people on land could not see him, he was able to see that building that he had lived in for so many years of his life.

He could see the kitchen window where he had chopped vegetables alongside Beatrice years ago as well as the mountain paths along Mount Fraught where he had hiked with the Baudelaire and Quagmire parents and picnicked with Beatrice when he was sure that she loved him too. Now those days seemed like a dream; a distant memory.

Sighing, he sat down and looked once again at the contents of the package that Jacques had sent him via carrier pigeons along with that fateful letter. It was a bundle of charred papers that Kit had rescued from a drawer in Beatrice's room. They seemed to be some sort of letter from what he was able to decipher, a word which here means "read, although large sections of it were charred and unreadable." He took out the page that he had been keeping in his coat pocket since that day.

All he could read was just a few words, which he could only assume was meant for him.

_Dear… I'm sorry, but I can't… with you. I really lov-… and I just can't be with you after all._

That page had told him what he had suspected before and made him tear up every time he read it. _She must not have loved me… But I still love her._

Dramatic irony is a device found in works of fiction as well as many real-life situations. It happens when a protagonist, such as Lemony Snicket, doesn't know something that readers or ordinary onlookers know. Usually, dramatic irony is a sad thing, because it makes people wish they could jump into the book and inform the character about something in order to prevent a terrible thing from happening, which, unfortunately, is impossible task. One of the most famous examples is from my esteemed colleague, Mr. Shakespeare, who, like myself, is often believed to be somebody else and has a commonly misspelled name. During tragic his play, Romeo and Juliet, many people find themselves wanting to jump into the book, into their television set, or out of their box seats in the theater to prevent Romeo from killing himself, because they know that Juliet isn't really dead after all. I have often cried late at night, wanting to go back in time so I could tell Lemony that the letter was not meant for him, but instead to her fiancée, Paul, to tell him that she had to cancel their engagement. But the tears of a poor author are not enough to save Lemony from the grief that was to come.


	30. A Forgotten Sibling

**Reviews!**

**visualpurple: thanks!**

**Aurora B-R: Hi duckey!**

**Amera A-W: Wow! I am flattered! I'm glad you liked the dramatic irony part!**

**Ophelia Russel: Everybody seemed to like the last paragraph, but I won't tell you what'll happen. You'll just have to read more!**

Chapter 30 – A Forgotten Sibling

While his journey to England was hard, it got harder after he arrived. Not knowing what to do, he spent many long hours at Beatrice's grave, wondering what to do next. Kit and Jacques didn't know he was there. He wouldn't be able to contact his brother, but he wondered if maybe he should tell his sister about his arrival._ But what if I ended up hurting her?_ He remembered the fates of all the other people close to him, and decided to put off putting her in danger for now. She had already been the first to be attacked by Olaf, and he wanted to protect her at all costs.

Since Beatrice's grave was close to the VFD headquarters, Lemony managed to hide in the same shed that he had lived in after his last encounter with Olaf. The sailors from the Prospero would bring him newspapers, and he would read through them every day for any news about the Baudelaire children. However, he only conducted his search half-heartedly. During the evenings, when it was safe, Lemony would walk the short dirt trail to the small field where Beatrice's grave was.

One evening, Lemony heard soft footsteps in the leaves behind him and quickly turned around to see a slight, thin woman in a black dress approach the field. She had short, dark hair and wore gloves. Her eyes were downcast, but she soon she looked up and noticed Lemony sitting by the grave and looking up at her in surprise. She gave him a slight smile and said very quietly, "Hey, Lemony. I thought you'd be here."

Lemony was still surprised and asked her, "Kit, what are you doing here?"

As she replied, she bent down and plucked a flower under the fading light and put it in her hair. "A fine way to greet your sister!" she laughed. "Don't even ask me how I'm doing! Aren't you glad to see me?"

He sighed and relented, even though he wasn't really ready to see his sister, at least not yet. "How are you doing?"

She sighed and felt at her gloves, silently wishing that she hadn't asked for a question that she didn't want to answer. "Not too good," she said softly. "The doctors have pretty much given up hope for my hands."

"They still haven't fixed the burns?"

"No. They say they'll never get better and that I'll always have to wear gloves to protect them. They won't let me touch seawater or repair the submarines anymore. I'll be stuck at the headquarters all day long doing secretary work for the rest of my life instead of doing what I love to do."

Lemony just looked numbly down at the ground. He remembered the day he and Jacques found out about Kit's attack; since that day, he had never forgiven himself for letting her go out alone. "I'm so sorry," was all he brought himself to say.

Kit let go of her gloves again and forced that slight smile back on her face. "Anyway," she said cheerfully, "I'm here because I come here every week to leave some flowers for Beatrice. I miss her." Her face fell again, and Lemony saw that even in the fading light, his sister was beautiful. So beautiful, and yet so sad… He had never noticed before how all these years of sadness and time had changed her. He hadn't seen her much in the past few months, but when he did, he had seen her as his helpless little sister. But now she had blossomed into a smart, sad, and beautiful woman. And it was all his fault that she was so unhappy.

"I heard you're looking for the Baudelaire kids," she continued.

"How did you know that?" Lemony asked in surprise.

"I have my sources," Kit smiled wryly. "I know more than I let on. But you won't find the Baudelaires by moping around here. Besides, Beatrice wouldn't want you to be so sad."

"I would look, but I don't know where."

"Well, I know where you should look. The bank handling the orphan's affairs should know something about where they are, but there's something I want you to do for me first."

"What?"

"I want you to take me with you."

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update! I'm not dead, I swear! I haven't been able to use my computer, so I've needed to switch to the school ones. Sorry about the wait! The next one'll be up by Monday: I promise!**


	31. A Fruitless Mission

**Review Response: (yep, only one... ain't it sad?)**

**Visualpurple: I know it's depressing, but at least it's almost over now!**

Chapter 31 – A Fruitless Mission

By the next morning, Lemony was journeying alone to the city with only a typewriter, a green commonplace notebook, and a black bowler hat to his name.

When his sister, Kit, had wanted to go with him, he hadn't exactly said yes or no, but his mind was already made up. Kit was, he decided, too frail to be taken anywhere. Her mechanical skills and knowledge of the ocean would have been useful, but he remembered the time he saw her, crumpled and severely injured, over the hatch of her damaged submarine. All he cared about now was Kit's health, and he knew she would be out of trouble at the headquarters.

He still felt dishonest, like he was misleading her. He felt especially guilty about not telling her outright whenever she brought him blankets and food, all while she talking excitedly about her plans for the trip, which she assumed she would be taking with him. She would say things like, "It'll be much more exciting traveling with you than staying at the headquarters. I can't wait to leave!"

Lemony had only nodded weakly and pretended to be busy packing as Kit continued talking hurriedly to him. He managed to leave early the next morning after sneaking in to Kit's room to copy the information from her commonplace onto his own. He didn't like doing this to his sister, but he knew that he had to remember that she was, after all, still his little sister, and he had a duty to protect her. If he told her that he would leave without her, he knew she would try to convince him otherwise, so he chose the path of least resistance.

He journeyed for weeks, constantly trying to find the Baudelaires. His search soon turned frantic when he found out that the "relative" they were staying with was actually Count Olaf. Through his research, he learned all about what happened to those unfortunate children, but he had so far been unable to catch up with them. The fear for the children's safety and the hope that his siblings were still safe were his only thoughts as he followed the children's trail from Count Olaf's filthy house to several completely destroyed houses, taking notes as he went. He had been trained at an early age to take notes on everything he learned, and it had been a helpful tool to him over the years, even though he had been in and out of touch with VFD for a while now. This habit gave him a feeling of usefulness, which was a nice change from the uselessness that he had felt in New York. He was back in his element: a trained researcher doing what he did best.

But through it all, he thought about his brother, still holding on to the hope that everything would still be all right. _I hope Jacques is doing okay…_

At about 7:32 am, a dusty and mildly sunburned man stumbled into a small village that was seemingly in the middle of nowhere. He seemed extremely annoyed about being forced to walk through that endless wasteland surrounding the town, and was thinking along the lines of, _If I had known that the bus wouldn't take me all the way here, I would've rented a mule or a bicycle from that farmer._

However, the man had determined look about him. He had come to this village to look for somebody, and he wouldn't leave until he had found them. He wasn't sure how he would accomplish this goal, but he figured that now would be the time to think about it, because the streets seemed completely empty except for a few dozen sleeping crows roosting on an ugly bird-shaped fountain.

He shuffled wearily over to the fountain to think about how to continue his search and to rest his weary legs. The blisters he had developed during that long walk were becoming quite painful, so he peeled off his shoes and discreetly put his feet into the cool water. Putting his head in his hands, he tried to think, only to be interrupted by strange scratching noises coming from the fountain. He looked up, but all he saw were four figures looking down at him.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said apologetically to the villagers as he took his bare feet gingerly out of the fountain. "It's just that my feet… y'know… it was a long walk, and… I'm very sorry…"

However, he found that the townspeople weren't listening to him; they weren't even looking at him. They were looking right at his left ankle. He scarcely had time to mutter another "I'm sorry about your fountain" before the four people shouted, "It's him! It's Count Omar!"

"Where?" the man asked as he looked around, but he soon realized that they were talking about him. The fact that they had grabbed him roughly by the arms and were dragging him away also tipped him off.

"This is a mistake!" he yelled as the townspeople dragged him through the dusty street. "I'm just looking for someone!"

"Yeah," muttered a rather plump woman with a crow feather stuck in her hat. "Like those poor Baudelaires that you're always bothering, Omar!"

"Omar?" he asked quizzically, and then he remembered about the bad reporting in the Daily Punctilio about the Baudelaire case. "Oh, you must mean Olaf! See, my name is…"

"So you admit it!"

"No, I'm not him!"

"Don't lie; you have the tattoo!"

"But that's for my job; we all…"

He was rudely interrupted by a tall, fashionable police officer wearing a large helmet and a pair of shoes with sharp stiletto heels. "It is a violation," she said with a sneer, "of rule number 19,833 for a villain to be inside the town. It is also against the rules for the rule breaker to speak during his capture, so shut up!"

"But I'm not Olaf! Olaf attacked my sister! Please, my name is Jacques! I can prove-" Jacques pleaded desperately as the officer dragged him away, surrounded by an angry mob.

The officer managed to throw the surprised Jacques into a bare cell and lock the door, all while balancing precariously on stiletto heels. As she locked the door, Jacques could hear her muttering to herself, "These gullible villagers can't wait to burn another rule breaker at the stake, and Olaf will be so pleased that I've gotten rid of one of the snooping Snickets that maybe he'll buy me a new outfit!" At this point, Jacques realized who this must be. It was Esme. She walked away as she fixed her lipstick, leaving her prisoner to contemplate his fate.

Jacques looked around the cell, finding, to his dismay, that there was no way to escape without the aid of Esme's keys, and there was no way to contact his siblings. This certainly was not one of his better days.

Evening was approaching, and he sunk to the floor, deep in thought, despair creeping into his mind as he realized that this whole thing was a trapfrom Olaf. Yep, this wasn't one of his better days.


	32. Der Nacht des Sturmes

**Review Responses: **

**As-Shaams: Sorry, Jacques won't make it out of VFD alive... You don't know how much I wanted to change that...**

**Visualpurple: Sorry it took so long to update this last chapter... School kept me REALLY REALLY busy... My sincerest apologies to all of my readers...**

**Martain Aries: Wow. I'm glad you liked it so much! I hope you will like the next one (once I figure what to write about)**

Last Chapter: Der Nacht des Sturmes

It was a dark and stormy night. Okay, it wasn't exactly stormy, but the dark and threatening clouds were ominous enough to keep Lemony Snicket inside his shelter for fear of encountering a violent rainstorm, like the kind that generally begin sad and scary tales.

He had taken up residence in an old clock tower on the grounds of a boarding school that the Baudelaires had stayed in just a few weeks before. He knew he was getting closer to finding the three orphans, and after checking the school's files, he hoped he would be able to catch up with them. He only prayed that Olaf wouldn't catch them first.

The Daily Punctilio had reported the Quagmire triplets' kidnapping a week ago, which worried Lemony as he sat at a makeshift desk inside the clock tower. According to Kit, Jacques had also disappeared a while ago.

So Lemony was bored and worried; not a good combination. But as he sat there, a funny feeling began to creep into his body. Soon a tingle went down his spine so violently that by instinct, he had to jump up from his seat. Jacques was the first thing that came to his mind, followed closely by an acute sense of danger. After he looked frantically around, he just sat down again tiredly and stared at his typewriter.

That feeling was familiar to Lemony, since he had felt it before on several occasions. He had felt it the night Beatrice had died, as well as the day hat the Baudelaire and Quagmire parents had met their fates. Although he hadn't known it before, he recognized it now as a premonition; an omen. His brother was dead. He knew he didn't have solid evidence, but it had to be the truth.

Lemony sighed, leaned back in his chair, looked out the filthy window, and realized something that surprised him even more than the premonition itself. Lemony realized now that he didn't feel anything. Perhaps he was just to weary or was just in shock, but he felt no sadness. All the pain that had been following him left him without feelings. He had nothing left to lose now. His only love, his best friends and their wives, and now his brother: what could possibly be worse? There was just too much misery in his past to bother him now, and it was all the fault of some psychopathic murderer that needed to be exposed.

Sighing yet again, Lemony glanced back at his makeshift table and saw all his notes scattered about, and knew what he had to do. He remembered Mr. Handler, the author who had been so anxious to help him before. Would his offer still be valid? If it was, Lemony had a plan. It would be dangerous, but he didn't care about that anymore. In Jacques' letter that Lemony had received along with the news of the deaths of the Baudelaire and Quagmire parents, Jacques had told his brother that "until all the fires have been extinguished, we must go our separate ways and risk our separate lives." He had understood the danger and took the risk nonetheless, and now it was Lemony's turn to do the same.

So as it began to rain outside, Lemony started to shuffle his notes around busily. He only slightly hesitated as the small machine behind him began to whirr and beep as it spat out a message. Lemony didn't bother to look at it; Kit was the only one who ever succeeded in contacting him, and he already knew what she was going to say.

So Lemony Snicket wandered around the empty clock tower for a minute in silence, staring at the rain. A clap of thunder snapped him out of his daze and he shuffled back to his desk and started typing out the first words to a true story of the sad lives of three resourceful orphans whose lives were nearly as tragic as his own. It was a story so sad and hopeless that the first sentence he wrote, I will also use as a warning not to read any of the earlier chapters of this tale.

If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book.

And, mingled with the pitter-pattering of the rain outside, the slow, rhythmic sound of a small typewriter could be heard throughout the empty, dimly-lit tower.

THE END.

**Yeah, so there are some people that I want to thank! Thanks to my boyfriend, Jeff, who helped get me started by competing with handwritten pages with him, so I always kept on writing in order to beat him. I'd like to thank Abby, who read through every single rough draft and told me what she thought of the story. Even though she had never read ASOUE, she read through the entire thing duing lunch hours at school. Finally, I'd like to thank all my other friends, receptionists, doctors, ect. who endured my constant writing in the TWO notebooks that it took to write this. **

**And thanks to all of you, for reading this. You have no idea how much it means to me that y'all liked my first fanfic so much! I'm leaving for Germany on monday, and I'll be bored, so maybe I'll start a new fic for ya! Please, when you review this last chapter, tell me what you think my next fic shall be about, but only as long as it's with ASOUE, naturally.**


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